We bumped into them

[Solong]

We haven't seen ILs in over a year. She'll send texts and holiday cards but we dispose and usually don't respond.

Well, we bumped into them last week. In the middle of a forest..........yes, at the exact point on the walking path of the forest at which we all just so happen to be.

It was a cordial and uncomfortably long conversation. She went right to small talk and I dug in. (So much for Mild Chill!) She responded that no, DH had never reached back out after her attempt to repair. Then, went right into talking about how she was reading an article about adult children who are estranged and that they develop life long illnesses because of their choice. I mild chilled that one...

An entire year has gone by. She hasn't seen her granddaughter in almost a year and a half. And the grand revelation she decides to share is -essentially, that the consequence is on him. 

I am feeling most disappointed by that comment and what I can assume of her perspective. No introspection. No critical thought. Just that it's his loss. I suppose it was all she felt comfortable to share with me; however, the crux of our issue with her is a lack of introspection and accountability, so it definitely feels she has not progressed.

I know I'm not supposed to expect her to change and maybe she really is so far gone she is PD. But damn, I feel disappointed.

[Xena]

Hi, Solong.
Wow - I want to say "congrats" on completing that encounter in a cordial manner! It had to be a tough situation, not to mention shocking, to suddenly be face-to-face with no chance to prepare. Her bringing up the adult children article would certainly test my ability to remain composed. (I can think of several snarky comebacks that would be hard not to say in response!) I agree bringing up that article is a "truth leak" of what your MIL is thinking. She shows no indication that she "gets" that her behavior led to this rift. She had a golden opportunity to improve things, but instead chose to blame shift & say, in effect, "his loss" when there is a lot more to it than that. Introspection & accountability are not happening with my FOO, either. I think the wish that they would change is strong because we see that things could be so much better. You are doing an admirable job of recognizing both the facts & the emotions of a very difficult encounter. I hope your next forest visit is much more enjoyable than this one was.