Smiling/laughing about intimidating people

[11JB68]

This has happened more than once and it always freaks me out. During our fight on Monday night he was asking me why I'm like this (not talking and then getting mad at him), I said my old reaction was to cry, bite my nails, apologize, that I've trained myself not to cry. I told him when I used to cry he'd get upset and say how he never wanted to make me cry etc. Yet this is a guy who over the years has bragged about 'making people cry' (kids, co-workers,etc). So I brought that up, calmly, seriously....and he broke out into this smile, and sort of laughed...(this during a fight in which he was alternately sobbing and angry). I asked him why that was funny, he said I don't know. I asked him was that what he wanted with me, to make me cry, does that mean he's won, that he's 'broken me'.
I find it very creepy that this is something that makes him smile.

[Jorainbow]

My husband smirks like that. It's a form of bullying meant to demean you in my opinion.

[Free2Bme]

What's up with PD's and crying.   He would drive me over the edge during arguments (gaslighting, circular arguments, blame, ridicule, etc.)  until I cried, then criticize me for crying.  He told me I deserved it.

When I stopped reacting, as you said Jorain, then I was told that I was a "cold and bitter woman".  Double bind madness. 

Mine would gloat when he felt he had broken me.  He was over the moon, laughing and smiling, and ohhhh that smirk.............really sick.

[blacksheep7]

I see it differently now, depending on the case and person.
My dd did this to me when she was a teen and early adult, a smile which looks like she was laughing at me  Today I know that it's discomfort, being put on the spot and not knowing what to say.  This is mostly people who don't have emotional intelligence, who don't look or question themselves in their behavior. 
For some, it's just their pride of being wrong, not able to admit their faults.

And unfortunately it passes as being laughed at

[clara]

I have a NPD friend with whom I now have limited contact but at one time considered him my best friend, and he loves doing this.  He loves arguing with people, starting fights, insulting and blaming, etc.  When he's in a certain mood he'll go out of his way to "start something" just to get a reaction, and he doesn't even care what the reaction is.  I once witnessed him goading his (now ex) SO into an actual, physical fight.  He wasn't going to be satisfied until the fight occurred, so he kept pushing and pushing and pushing.  Then, after all the dust had settled and he'd gotten whatever emotional payout he wanted from the encounter, he was totally done with it and back to normal as if you'd just been chatting about the weather.  But there was always no mistaking his gloat over feeling he'd somehow won something in the encounter.  He told me he enjoyed "stirring the pot" (his exact words).

[SparkStillLit]

I guess that's his payout, that reaction from others that he needs to feel good.

[SaltwareS]

It's how they connect with people.

[SaltwareS]

I asked him why that was funny, he said I don't know.

It's good you asked him, put him "on notice."

They can't connect with people the normal way, the give-and-take way. They are *less* give-and-take and *more* about control. They may or may not be aware of it. So to connect in a controlling way, to prove to themselves they're not invisible, they make someone cry or bully them far enough that the person reacts. When the person reacts, they've connected. I'm pretty sure that's what's going on with them.

[11JB68]

"
They can't connect with people the normal way, the give-and-take way"
Saltwares, this takes me a bit of topic, but you're right about this. He has a very hard time with what I consider Normal conversation, in which people interrupt and talk over each other and the topic changes. He needs for everyone to take turns. He has always put this down to his introversion or anxiety, or supposed aspbergers, but I think it's an ocpd thing. Control.