I told him something true

[Fae Greenwood]

He had a call from an work acquaintance last week that turned into a personal conversation. This other man's wife is leaving him after several years of marriage. He said that she tried to commit suicide. Afterwards she filed for divorce because it turns out that she would rather be dead than married to him. He's pretty cut up about it and my uNPDh was shocked that this could happen. This acquaintance is just about everything my husband considered successful. He's an owner of a profitable business and showcase home, the father and grandfather of a healthy attractive family, and respected in his field. And it turns out his wife would rather kill herself instead of be married to him. It's not the first time I've seen this happen.

I told my husband quite gently that some people forget that relationships need consistent care. I told him that some people push their part of responsibility for a relationship onto their spouse for a little while but never take it back because life is easier for them now. Then they do it again and again. Each time it's a little more and it's supposed to be temporary but it turns out to be in total a heavy and permanent burden. This can ultimately cripple the burdened spouse. They are deeply unhappy for so long. They look like they're a couple but they are actually doing life alone, trying to pay off some kind of emotional debt they didn't incur. They get broken. It seems like it's sudden but it is often plain to others. I said that it's likely that the only one really surprised by this was the husband, that it's going to be one more middle-aged man shopping for a copy of the Five Love Languages because now, after years of asking him to be responsible for his portion of the marriage and being refused, she's left and he finally wants to "fix it." He's in therapy! He can change! Everything will be great now! He'll do all she's asked of him! But, I said, he didn't act until it was too late. How sad.

And then I told him that he's done that to me. I just wanted him to know.

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior so I know nothing will really change but at least it's been said.

[NumbLotus]

How did he respond to that?

[losingmyself]

That was beautiful, Fae. It's so true, some people are so broken, they feel it's the only way out. It's so sad.  I hope she finds peace in her life going forward.
I am also curious how he took this information.  The way you didn't make it about him or you until the very end was brilliant! He might have listened because you were speaking about someone else, and it didn't put him on the defensive.
I hope it made him think.
But you're right, you said it. You let him know what he's doing to you. What he does with that information is up to him.