Is this usual narcissist behaviour?

[me01t]

If someone you suspected of being a narcissist said that you were making things up to play the victim and when you tried to defend yourself they said that did not happen and you were lying is that typical of a narcissist. This is someone i have tried to reason with relentlessly, Happily seems to accuse me of things I have not done (seem much more like what they are doing to me) and then later blames this on their friend saying this or that. I also feel concerned i was so taken aback at these accusations i was so upset and speechless it worries me that i did not better fight my corner and I hate people thinking I would lie about anything. They also are not aware of the slander I have faced which I thought was a backlash of them but i am now unsure it is them instigating it so I just don't know what to do and I cannot avoid this person, I also find myself questioning myself.

[findjoy81]

pretty typical actions.  Sounds like projection, blame, and gaslighting.  Look for the top 100 traits in the personality disorders section, it will give much more information.

[moglow]

It can be, but narcissistic behavior can take many other forms as well.

People saying things to which you object doesn't make it so, and your defense doesn't seem to be helping either. Sometimes trying to explain only fuels their fires. Instead of attempting to JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) to no avail, can you simply not engage with whoever keeps making these accusations? Next time it's brought up, make no comment, change the subject or end the conversation entirely?

You don't have to keep putting yourself through this misery, is what I'm saying. They may think or say what they like - you don't have anything to prove to anyone. These bullies are not your friends. I'd steer clear of them.

[Wilderhearts]

I also find myself questioning myself.

This is the common effect gas lighting has on people, and it's the intended effect.  The pwPD wants to rewrite whatever happens, so that you are the villain and they get of scott-free.  It's about control.  It also means that, if you stop trusting yourself and your memories, you won't have a leg to stand on and they can steam roll you.  Avoid this by refusing to argue about the facts of an interaction - this would suck you into a circular argument.  Read about what (not) to do here: https://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/circular-conversations

If someone you suspected of being a narcissist said that you were making things up to play the victim

This is crafty - they're psychologically abusing you (gas lighting and/or projection) by accusing you of another type of manipulation/psychological abuse (playing the victim).  If you aren't actually playing the victim (which you probably aren't), they're also playing the victim by claiming you're playing the victim, which is projection.   

It's multiple psychological abuse tactics rolled up in one - it can be really terrifying, distressing, and confusing to experience.  I've had it happen to me, too.  Someone accused me of intimidating her (playing the victim) while physically intimidating me (projecting - she was accusing me of doing something that actually she was doing but I was not).  So three abuse tactics - playing the victim, intimidation, and projection.  It will set you reeling - I'm so sorry you experienced that.

This also shows that whatever PD they may have...they're likely higher on the intelligence scale.  They may even be fully cognizant of the types of abuse they're pulling and how it will affect you.  HD Tudor, a self-identified "greater narcissist" writes about NPD from an inside perspective - it may be helpful to know what level of narcissist you're dealing with, b/c their reactions and strategies will be different. https://narcsite.com/2019/05/11/the-greater-narcissist-five-facts-6/

[me01t]

Thanks, This is really helpful-I actually feel like i am getting more manipulation and gaslighting from outside people and then being told i am playing a victim by the person i thought was instigating everything but now i dont know what is really coming from who just that i need to get out of it.

[not broken]

I agree with the others that it sounds like gaslighting, projection, manipulation and emotional abuse.  Great suggestion by moglow to review JADE and the toolbox.  I would also suggest that you look inward to understand what it is that triggers your emotions and defending yourself.  I do not say this in any way to suggest that this is your fault, IT IS NOT.  The reason is that you need to figure out why you have self doubt or need for approval or guilt.  I speak from experience on all three why I did not realize I have been in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship for almost two decades. When someone is a skilled communicator and gaslights or manipulates your emotions,  it can be complete mind f'ery and will consume your entire being.  When building your relationship, you did what everyone does- you shared your thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc.  They have and are using this against you.  They have payed attention to your weaknesses and use them against you.  They continue to test your boundaries to see what you will allow.  Don't forget that the beauty of telling someone they are too sensitive or that what they said was a joke- is that they get to bully you on the first go around with their original comment, and then again when they say you can't event take a joke. 

My very best advice- try your best to keep in mind that it is NOT about you, what you are doing or saying.  It is about THEM and how whatever you said or did makes them feel and their reaction to it.  There is no rational conversation or engagement.  The best thing you can do is learn about personal boundaries and yourself.  Focus on YOU and not them.  Good luck!