OCPD-ranking, comparing, lists

[11JB68]

I have more to say on this trait, but no time right now. Wondering if anyone else experiences this with their pwPD, especially if the person is ocpd or uOCPD...

[Jsinjin]

I find that the ranking and listing kills the capability to make a decision.   My uOCPDw can take a "need to make decision" like make a plane reservation and blow it into something that doesn't get done until its too late and we wind up paying a couple of grand for a 300 dollar flight.   But the concerns on her list are things like "what if that's too early and I have trouble sleeping the night before" or " that connecting flight is 2 hours of layover and that might not be enough if there is bad weather"    it is almost like every single possible scenario must be researched and accounted for and the actual work doesn't get done

[11JB68]

When ds was in little league and we coached his team...uPDh would be so critical of ds behavior (this was5-7 yo)...on way home in car he would lecture him. He developed a grading system and would say e.g. 'that was a c-...." Or that was a D... (Of course this was completely arbitrary).
Earnings from his biz...chart on the wall with $ amounts: ok, good, very good,great.
The creepiest one ever that should have sent me running...and I admit I shouldn't have been spying, but some intuition told me something was off... Back when he was working full time at a company...he had a briefcase...for some reason I looked in it, saw these little balled up pieces of paper...opened them up...apparently he was looking at porn websites at work, he had them listed and graded...I don't remember the exact system...like 'too much' 'just enough', etc.
I don't think I've told anyone that story before

[sevenyears]

OMG 11JB68 - ranking porn sites?! wow.

my uocpd stbxh has rules about everything and anything. And, he examined everything from every single angle. And, the decision had to be immediately. So, buying something, like, say, a set of plates, had to be carefully and fully researched, and then tediously debated on the merits of each option. Then he would come to a decision and not change it come hell or high water. Then he complained that I am indecisive because I didn't follow his way of making a decision, or he would get angry if I objected to it.

[11JB68]

sevenyears - RIGHT?? The thing is - I don't think it was so much the looking at the sites that bothered me at the time (though the fact he was doing it at work, when he was supposedly 'so busy' at work and working 10-12 hour days etc. when I was working part time and then home with our baby DS at the time bothered me. PLUS to this day I just wonder if it had anything to do with his leaving that company. Did he get caught and have to leave?? It was a great job. Bad commute - which is what he blamed for his needing to leave...I still wonder. Anyway - it was more the weirdness of the ranking 'charts' and the painstaking-ness of these tiny pieces of paper. He is sort of obsessed with xcel spreadsheets (this was back before I think excel was even a 'thing' - so these were handwritten - but basically they were 'porn site spreadsheets'. Yikes. Like I said I don't think I've told ANYone about that ever...even my closest confidant/friends...I feel like only fellow Out of the FOG folks would 'get it'.

[sevenyears]

I hear you - ranking the sites is creepy. shudder. And, grading a child's baseball performance makes me want to cry. What do you think drove his need to rank and grade? 

[11JB68]

The baseball thing was painful. On the car rides home. He expected me to back him up. It's all about power and control. Also his own poor self esteem/projection/all about how things make him look/embarrassment.
And this was ds age 6-8...instructional, just for fun...