Being thankful despite the storm

[LifeIsWorthLiving]

I went mostly NC with my NPD parents over a year ago. It started because they discarded me. There have been a few times I've seen them and a few text messages, but I could count the number of times I've seen them in the last year on one hand. The times I have seen them, my mother avoids saying anything of substance and my father completely ignores me. Some of my siblings that are still in contact have let me know that both of my parents are always trash talking me behind my back and go around accusing me of all sorts of things. Things came to a head last week when they started threatening me with lawsuits. They have zero direct communication (they have never mentioned any of their accusations to me), but they will pay someone else to send a letter full of vague accusations. I am not an idiot, so I am well aware that there are lawyers that will send anything if they are paid enough. But this still hurts and makes me angry.

I am still thankful. The turning point for me was when I found supportive friends. For years I thought I had to go it alone. I was consumed with loneliness and had a lot of bad relationships as a result of that (both platonic and romantic). Recently I found people that saw good in me just for me. Last night I got home to find a card from a couple of these friends, wishing me a happy Easter, saying they are proud of me, and simply thanking me for being me. I cried and cried.

There are cruel people in the world. Some of them happen to be related to me. But they don't define me. I am worthy of love and I am capable of love. This brings me such joy that no nasty letter or snide remark can shake me.

[Call Me Cordelia]

 

How familiar this sounds. You describe stepping through the looking glass, but the topsy-turvy world is the one you left behind you. I'm so glad you're finding love on the other side. Supportive and understanding friends are a treasure!

[LifeIsWorthLiving]

You describe stepping through the looking glass, but the topsy-turvy world is the one you left behind you.

This is exactly how I feel! I am definitely not a perfect person. I still carry a lot of anger and I have difficulty with confrontation when I meet someone that doesn't take criticism well (Issues with BOUNDARIES!!!!). But I can see what is going on now. It is wonderful.

[Hilltop]

I've only recently gone no contact when the pain of being the outcast in the family got too much. I think I'm in a mild depression however i am starting to look at things differently.

I'm beginning to realise i need to get out and find new friends and make more of an effort with my current friends. I need to take care of myself.

I feel lonely without a family but then i felt lonely with my family. Im glad to hear it gets better.

[LifeIsWorthLiving]

I've only recently gone no contact when the pain of being the outcast in the family got too much. I think I'm in a mild depression however i am starting to look at things differently.

I'm beginning to realise i need to get out and find new friends and make more of an effort with my current friends. I need to take care of myself.

I feel lonely without a family but then i felt lonely with my family. Im glad to hear it gets better.

It is really hard to switch gears from constantly criticizing yourself to allowing yourself to be imperfect. I am still struggling with that. I beat myself up for not taking care of myself or I make mountains out of mole hills. But I can see it for what it is now. Things do get better both internally (being kind to myself) and externally (I have friends I am planning cool vacations with).