My brothers live in a different world

[mary_poppins]

Hi again.

It's been a while since I went no contact with my second brother, the one without the dog who is misstreated. This brother is a narcissist (I thought he had 'fleas' but he actually told me once himself, LOL) and the last drop was when he started yelling at me for not taking care of my mother and doing enough for her. Mom has some backpain and sometimes she rests in bed but most days she is active and doing things.
One day, brother came home (the place where I live with mom), burst into my room and yelled at me for not helping mommy dearest. I yelled back, he left, I blocked his number and now we're not talking. The reason I yelled was to protect myself. In the past this guy proved to be physically violent. He punched my other brother, threw knives at him (I can't believe that this actually happened, you only see it in the movies) and punched my dad (so he yells at me for being a bad daughter but he physically abuses our dad???).

I am quite afraid of him, he is a big guy, with muscles and all and I plan on never interacting with him again.

So, I wonder after all the abuses this guy has engaged in, HOW in the world he is loved, revered and admired by my mother? He is the golden child and each time he says something it's like he's the sweetest, most wonderful, most intelligent guy.

But yeah, both my brothers live in a highly delusional world, a world without rules at all. They can punch people, hit people, abuse animals, and even go against the law (they have done some illegal things, too) and NOT PAY at all for their deeds? And still be the wonderful, amazing son that any parent would want.

I don't understand why would a PD parent think that physical abuse by their adult son is OK?

They always avoid the subject of him behaving badly, if he punches my other brother my mother would laugh about it and my dad would say Y'all need to get along, you're brothers and sisters. And change the subject.

Conclusion is, I can't have any hope that me and my brothers will ever connect, have normal, healthy discussions that are nice and fun.

I am done with them, and I feel at peace about it.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Hi, Mary Poppins.  So sorry to hear what you've been going through.  And glad you feel at peace about disconnecting from the craziness and risk to your physical wellbeing.

Why do PDs make scapegoats out of perfectly lovely children and turn a blind eye toward the bad behavior of the one they put on a pedestal?  I don't believe much of it is very rational.  I usually just chalk their behavior up to "That's what makes them feel okay about themselves and in control" and that disordered thinking is at the heart of all PDs. 

Sometimes if I think about how a young child reacts to things, it can sort of make sense. But I can never truly understand a PDs thinking.

It's been important for me to know that none of this stuff is personal to me or even has much to do with me at all.  Of course growing up with a PD parent, our child perspective is that it's because of us.  Some of us (like me) find it hard to completely shake that.  But the more I understand about PDs, the more I can heal.  I'm glad you're taking care of yourself!

[mary_poppins]

@ Lookin 2 B Free

Thanks for your explanation. It really doesn't make sense them accepting physical abuse from their adult children and creating golden children out of them instead of siding with the daughter who's not abusing them. This is the stuff that twists your mind and keeps you up at night.

Yes, it is not my problem and it is not at all related to me.They can do whatever they want with their lives, torture people, themselves, accept abusers into their lives, make everything bad acceptable and the good, unacceptable, who cares? They're too twisted to even begin to understand why they're doing this.

[sunshine702]

It is speculated that the Golden Child gets that crown (no matter how absolutely abhorrent the behavior!!) because subconsciously they are most like the Narc Parent.  Know that.  You are NOTHING LIKE him thank goodness