PD brother went NC with me after argument.

[moko0714]

Recently, my older brother (37) and I (35) got into an argument which led to him going no contact with me. Little background on us, we grew up in the United States. My brother used to always be the defiant one, used to do drugs, gamble, bring over girls at night.  Hell, he even stole money from my bank account that I received from a scholarship.  I joined the Army and earned my citizenship and he is Deferred Action for Childhood Arrival (DACA).   During my time in the service, I was able to claim my mother as a dependent and get money for her housing, I was sending $3,000+ every month for about 4 years.  During that time, my brother was living with her.  The money stopped ever since I got married in 2021 and my focus lead to my wife and now our baby.
Back to the argument; he was upset that I did not let him use my personal information so that he can lease a new car.  He said he can't get a new car under his name due to DACA and asked to use my information to get a new lease.  Back in 2018, I let him use my info (my mistake) to lease an SUV since he found a job that he had to commute to.  No biggie, he's family so I didn't hesitate but after a couple months, he had quit working at his new job and was giving excuses that he is looking for another job. 
In 2019, my mother was diagnosed with stage 1 lung cancer and had to go through surgery and treatments.  Since I was stationed overseas, my brother used to take care of her.  He used to take her to her appointments with the car and did not work for 4 years.  Even when my mother was getting better after her chemotherapy, he didn't work.  He said he had anxiety problems and couldn't work, even so far as going to the emergency room.  Now this is my assumption but after thinking about it, I feel like he didn't see a need to work since I was sending money to cover all expenses.
Anyway, 2021 comes along and my brother texts me that the lease on the vehicle was up and he needed to renew.  He asked for my information as usual and I thought he was just extending the lease on the same car since he didn't mention anything else.  The next day, I see a hard inquiry from a BMW dealership and I blew up.  His excuse was that due to COVID and lack of car parts, this showroom 2021 BMW 3 series was considered the cheapest car available.  I told him to go find a used car instead but he said the maintenance on a used car would be more expensive down the road.  Even my mother was convinced that was the case and she would repeat the same words to me.  After days of fighting and yelling, I told my brother that this was the last time I would let him lease a car under my name and let him get that BMW.  Fortunately, he never missed a payment for that vehicle.
Now a couple of days ago, he asked to use my information to lease a new KIA, which I told him that it was time for him to take responsibility and get a car under his own name.  His response was "I would if I can?" and "The car is to take mom to work or appointments".  At this point, I'm just fed up and give him the run around and finally he said, "if you don't want to do it anymore then just say it" which I replied with " I don't want to do it anymore".  That's when I'm hit with "you changed ever since you got married, I don't even know you anymore.  When you stopped giving mom money, mom had to start working again and I was shocked, if anything happens to her because of this, I will never forgive you. Since it feels like you want to push us out of your life, I'll do you the favor, I love you and you won't hear from me again".

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome!

I understand fully that your own family of choice comes first. You seem to have done more than enough for your mother and brother. It's time to give them a chance and let them  grow up and be responsible for themselves. Maybe this is the push your brother needed to work on his anxiety issues. Now that you are no longer enabling him.

Check out the Toolbox for healthy strategies when your brother contacts you again.

See you around on the boards!

[lkdrymom]

Why  shouldn't mom be working to support herself? And why can't he get the lease  with mom's information?  You have done more than enough for both of these people.