Fears I have when going NC/LC

[SilenceOnTheWire]

I know I don't have another option but I have some fears and I'd like to know how those who have gone NC or LC deal with them.

    Disease/incapacitation - who looks after you if this happens (temporary and permanent)?

    Asking for help in things that family and not friends normally do for you (ie babysitting, taking care of your house and pets when you are away)

    Financial support - help you pay for healthcare or anything that may happen. friends don't normally do this


Most people rely on a spouse or boyfriend for these things but is that fair/expectable? I have this belief that you need family for these things which for me isn't really an option unless I let them walk all over me, which isn't going to happen, but these things still cause me a lot of anxiety. Maybe it was the way I was raised. Is it realistic to believe that others will stick around instead of living their lives/find more useful people if you have an issue like that that would take a big toll on them?


How do you deal with this stuff? I know you can have a friend you can call in a dire emergency but what if it's something more permanent? I hate thinking about this stuff...

[SerenityCat]

 

I understand that thinking this all through can be stressful. But in my experience it is very worthwhile and can actually alleviate anxiety.

I was NC with my mother for 20+ years until she died. VVVLC with my father during that time, and now NC for 2 years.

For about 20 years I was fully on my own other than occasional friends. Now I have a sweetheart, we help each other out with some things. I've recently had lots of medical challenges and he has had lots of life stress.

I recommend learning about the various social service and help options in your area. Health care, social work, therapy, home chore help, pet sitters, babysitters etc.

Recently I had a medical procedure at a hospital, general anesthetic, I was at hospital for most of the day, and was not allowed to drive myself home. My friend gave me a ride there and back, picked up my prescription at drug store, then spent the night to make sure I was okay. I had prepared for this in advance so my home was clean, laundry done, groceries in.

If I had done this on my own I would have gotten a taxi or medical transport for ride. I would have had drug store deliver or used taxi to pick up myself.

If I had a more serious long term disability that limited my mobility I would ask my family doctor for suggestions. I would arrange with a home help agency for someone to do chores and provide transportation.

For home and pet sitting I would either trade with friends, help them out and then be helped out by them. Or I would pay for a pet sitter or board my pet.

For financial support I have to rely on what social service and medical support I get. If I did not have insurance and needed to go to ER, I would go, and then apply for whatever charity  payment they have available for low income people. I also purposefully work to have good healthy habits (good diet, exercise, etc) as that may save me some money and suffering.

My own parents never really helped with any of this once I reached 18 years old. They did help occasionally initially but that help was always outweighed by a lot of abuse.

Many folks live with permanent health challenges. They all cobble together what they need the best they can, often without family of origin help. At least here in the USA, in many areas, there are various organizations than can help. A good social worker can help pull everything together.

Family of Choice ties can be stronger and healthier than some Family of Origin.

As for whether our friends will stick around if we go through serious challenges, about all we can do is be good people and communicate well. They get to make their own choices along the way. If a friend can no longer help us out with something we can find another way to get by.

All of this is very doable.  Thinking things through and making some possible plans can help relieve anxiety.

[Lizard Huntress]

Appreciate your post very much.  These are the fears that stop me also.  No SO, no siblings, no children.  And yet it's very telling that these are my main concerns, not "I would miss my mother" or anything.  I don't have answers but really understand your feelings and share them.