Police report and restraining order

Zia · November 22, 2022, 07:27:00 PM

For anyone who may have experienced having to report NPD parents and any of their FMs (i.e. bros/sis, relatives) because of criminal harassment (i.e. stalking, coming to personal property, unwanted visits, unwanted emails/calls/texts.)

We have warned them multiple times via email. They did not stop hounding me and my spouse via social media and emails. I even got weird hi's and hello's from random numbers. They were in my home country during those times and therefore they were not capable of physically hounding and stalking me and my family. However they plan to come back to where I currently live. And I won't be surprised if indeed they try to come to my house or try to physically stalk me and my family.

Did anyone of you call the police to send the NPDs away? This would mean they would get some sort of record on the police report? Is a police report needed as a requirement for restraining order? I know this is quite stressful but I want to protect myself and my family, most especially my children.

I know laws would vary depending on your area.

Srcyu · November 23, 2022, 07:11:30 AM

I'm fairly sure that photographic evidence is legally acceptable everywhere.
So I'd highly recommend a few security cameras around your house if you don't already have them.
I would keep all the messages that are exchanged between you.
I'm not sure about police records and restraining orders but I would imagine that the two go together.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this. They sound very immature.

Zia · November 23, 2022, 03:09:23 PM

Quote from: Windmill on November 23, 2022, 07:11:30 AM
I'm fairly sure that photographic evidence is legally acceptable everywhere.
So I'd highly recommend a few security cameras around your house if you don't already have them.
I would keep all the messages that are exchanged between you.
I'm not sure about police records and restraining orders but I would imagine that the two go together.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this. They sound very immature.

Thanks Windmill for your reply. We do have security cameras. They have been hounding me online and using some people where I currently live. I won't be surprised if they would not give me my much needed space and peace once they are back to my country. They might attempt but I would be firm and yes they'd get consequence for doing so.

Srcyu · November 23, 2022, 07:15:43 PM

Zia, I also had bother from my siblings online and one or two of their offspring. It went on for a couple of years. The male sibling turned up at my front door once. It had been so long since I'd seen him, I didn't recognise him. He was very pleased with himself. I barely engaged because husband was working night shift and asleep upstairs.

Female sibling had her own daughter-in-law approach my oldest child online through messenger. It got her nowhere.
One or two of their families sent silly message requests to me.

Oh, and a nephew (I think, hard to say) tried running across a busy road after slamming the brakes on his car to reach me. That failed too. He had no shoes on and the traffic was four lanes deep.

Honestly, they are like overgrown kids. We finally ran out of insults to throw at each other.

Andeza · November 23, 2022, 08:25:05 PM

We told them don't contact us, MIL wasn't impressed. So we paid a lawyer to write up and send a cease and desist letter. In our area it's the first official step we could take with people that hadn't shown up on our doorstep or done anything illegal yet.

We haven't heard a peep since. Worth the money, and especially worth the legal foundation we laid in case of future issues.

Zia · November 24, 2022, 11:49:55 AM

Quote from: Andeza on November 23, 2022, 08:25:05 PM
We told them don't contact us, MIL wasn't impressed. So we paid a lawyer to write up and send a cease and desist letter. In our area it's the first official step we could take with people that hadn't shown up on our doorstep or done anything illegal yet.

We haven't heard a peep since. Worth the money, and especially worth the legal foundation we laid in case of future issues.

Yup. We are thinking of asking legal assistance from a lawyer in handling this step. Haven't done anything yet. Thanks for the response

Zia · November 17, 2023, 10:37:48 AM

Just an update regarding this topic.

I had a family lawyer helped me in sending out cease & desist letter to my parents, brother and sister in law last May 2023. The harrassment stopped and it has been blessed silence so far. It really did helped. I'm less anxious and got me out from "hypervigilance mode" which is not a healthy way to live life.

Probably scared the shit out of them as the NPs are running out of money and my brother and his wife's temporary resident status in my country could be in trouble if they violate or get arrested by police.

NPs shelled out all their money to my freeloader sponger lazy brother and for his wife's international student needs in my country and for his family's everyday needs. I bet my NPs still pays even for his child's diaper and formula milk even to this day. And they were expecting me and my spouse to do the same "spoonfeeding" and give part of our resources to him and his family which are not our responsibility. while the NPs were (and used to) living free of charge and living like queen & boss in our house.

Had enough of that shit. Now they have to learn how to let go and respect boundaries the hard way.

frogjumpsout · November 25, 2023, 04:49:44 PM

Thank you for posting, Zia and Andeza! I am recently considering sending one of those letters, too, and I'm so glad to hear that it worked out well for both of you.

Andeza · November 28, 2023, 09:03:09 PM

Ah, Zia, I'm glad this step has found you a measure of peace. We also have heard absolutely nothing. It's nice and quiet.

It's always a super personal choice, frogjumpsout. I hope you're able to decide what will bring you the most healing and peace.

JollyJazz · December 10, 2023, 11:35:19 PM

Hi Zia!

I am not quite at the point of a restraining order, but I have reported my FM / PD very aggressive brother (also a sponger to my parents - he is 48 years old) to the police several times now. So there is a paper trail of things he has done - attacked a door when I was using the bathroom, and also drove a car towards me, and attacked the outside window of my car. He also sent psycho messages. Oh, and I caught him just before he was about to cut out and steal an expensive part of my hybrid vehicle (catalytic converter).

So just know you aren't alone :-)

The process of calling the police was incredibly healing and empowering. As a family SG, I didn't have experience with feeling 'stood up for', so it was just an amazing feeling! It felt a lot less stressful once I got talking to them. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and put those numbers in - either the non urgent police number or the urgent line (if it calls for it then).

The police were very clever about it, and used the 'anonymous report' tactic, that worked well, because some of the abuse was visible to neighbours (turnaround for cars).

The police deal with these situations ALL the time, they have lots of brilliant ways to deal with these things :-)

Definitely keep every scrap of evidence - psycho texts/phone messages etc. keep all of it.

Security cameras are getting very affordable these days - some are motion sensing and can operate in the dark. Could be a good investment!

Zia · December 21, 2023, 10:47:23 AM

Hi JollyJazz,

Thanks for sharing. That's very agressive to the point of inflicting damage or harm. Mine inflicts damage but more of an internal than an external type. When they went to our property they tried to open the garage, checked our mailbox. You know acting like as if they own what we have. We do have cameras so all that was recorded. I have had enough of it so I sought legal advise.

JollyJazz · December 25, 2023, 02:25:21 AM

Hi Zia,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Treating your belongings like they own them is classic coercive control type stuff isn't it! My FOO would do that too, with my brother stealing items (and attempted vandalism on my car). If I hadn't seen it I would've never believed it - I knew he was nasty and I didn't know why he was looking under my car, and was clearly about to do something malicious, he later lied about why he was looking under my car, and I know he has a whole ton of scrap metal.

I think it's terrific you have security cameras. I think the way to go is collect it all and keep reporting it.

I find it just helped me feel so much better.

I think it's awesome that you have good boundaries around it. Stalky behavior like this is horrible, but I found talking to authorities actually helped remind me how incredibly messed up it is. Growing up with dysfunction we can minimise but having the police take note really helps I think!

Anyway, I hope your legal options go well! Perhaps a 'cease and desist' letter will be all you need to get them to buzz off!

Best wishes and good luck

JustKat · December 25, 2023, 02:41:11 PM

Ugh, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. After I went NC I tried to keep my address a secret, but my enFather showed up a few times and left gifts and packages inside our open garage. He stopped doing it when I didn't respond, but I was prepared to take action if it became necessary.

The requirements for restraining orders aren't the same in every city. In my area, you do need a police report on file before you can request a restraining order, but it may not come to that. I think a cease and desist letter sends a message that you're not going to take it and will make them think twice, especially if you state that failure to comply will result in a restraining order. Most people don't want it to come to that, especially if they're still in the workforce and the restraininmg order shows up on their record.

Warning them via email or text doesn't make any difference with a narc. Whenever I tried anything like that it was used against me. They'd share it with other family members and cry that they'd done nothing wrong, and that I was picking on them. But with a letter from an attorney, they'll listen.

Best of luck to you. I know how awful this is, having your privacy and personal space intruded on like that. I hope you can work through it soon and regain some peace in your life.