should i be concerned?

[456diy]

My dad has an addiction issue.   He's been checking over and over what town I live in and I'm really suspecting that he is testing me, but he keeps repeating over and over that he has a memory issue so he asks me to tell him again.   But would a person with a memory issue, think to say that to someone "As you know, I have a memory issue (or a short term memory issue), so tell me where is it that you live again?"  - he seems to remember other things very well.

He also keeps saying that he wants to take me on holiday.  So I have said thank you for thinking of me and for offering, but we have different interests.

But this time when I said that, and said that I would find travelling difficult for health reasons (which is true) - he said "how about a parachute jump".

At the moment he can't travel to visit me, but he says soon he will be able to and is very intent on visiting.   I have not said specifically not to because I am not sure how he will react, but I find it difficult because of the addiction - which I have said to him.

[Sneezy]

Hi 456diy - Memory issues can be tricky.  My MIL (uHPD) can be 100% fine one minute and then forget to perform basic tasks (such as eating and taking her medication) the next.  She will remember that she needs to clean the house, but then vacuum the same few feet of carpet over and over and not do any other cleaning.  It's difficult to predict how memory issues will impact a person.

I think the more important question is do you want your dad to visit you?  It sounds like you don't.  This means you need to have a plan for how to handle it if/when a visit becomes more likely.  You could use an excuse, such as a work commitment or tell your dad that you won't be in town.  Or you can come right out and say "no." It depends on your comfort level and what approach you think will work best.  Is your dad easy to distract?  Or does he get an idea in his head and then hang on to that idea for dear life?  Think about the various ways you can handle this and what you think will work best.

I also recommend reading more about setting boundaries.  There are great resources on this web page that can help.  And keep asking questions on these forums.  Good luck 

[456diy]

Hi Sneezy, thanks so much for taking the time to reply to my OP.   I am really pleased to say that I managed to say something to him and he responded by saying he'd leave it until it was ok with me.   

After the conversation, I felt like something of a fraud in expressing concern.   I think some of the problem has been that because of some bad things that happened to me I really wasn't myself a lot of the time growing up and even into adulthood.   I dissociated a lot and its only been in later life that some memories have come back so I'm not sure how much more happened.    Also, it used to be confusing when someone was nice sometimes and not at all others and sometimes now I'm not entirely sure whether someone is really meaning what they say.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the situation, which I do find helpful.