Boundaries

[Breadroll]

After several weeks post my shortened and unsettling visit - my friendship -by phone -has returned to " a new normal" with friend of decades. I love her, and there is so much stuff going on that I have much compassion. Try to keep my news light- whilst giving a lot of support.

So much life shared, I miss her " old self" and yet feel guilty for doing so. Nearly anything is met with s critical comment - conversations on pets, or household repairs- and a new focus on " what time" things are done at, like an old person. Not sure she is aware of doing this- and not kind to mention - so I don't. It is obviously important to her. 

However, I feel as though I now hold better boundaries/ whilst talking there was an indication that my physical presence might be useful. Previously I would have offered- but this time I did not.

The boundary was a réalisation that I can't take the emotional fallout- I just can't.
So the boundary is about self care - a new one in this context.
Very very sad that this is the situation- could never have imagined it. But at peace with it.

A stray thought- this boundary is good for both of us- allowing continued connection. Maybe I am just a slow learner!

[bloomie]

Breadroll - you don't sound like a slow learner to me. You sound like a compassionate person who is trying to find healthy ways to stay engaged with a friend who has been unpredictable at best hurting you in the process.

However, I feel as though I now hold better boundaries/ whilst talking there was an indication that my physical presence might be useful. Previously I would have offered- but this time I did not.

The boundary was a réalisation that I can't take the emotional fallout- I just can't.
So the boundary is about self care - a new one in this context.
Very very sad that this is the situation- could never have imagined it. But at peace with it.

A stray thought- this boundary is good for both of us- allowing continued connection. Maybe I am just a slow learner!

  Isn't it true that boundaries are good and give any relationship the best possible hope to continue? Love this insight! Something I needed to read today.

[Breadroll]

Thanks Bloomie! I do feel a bit slow sometimes which is why I got stuck with exnpd😁. Benefit of the doubt, etc- and trying to figure out why- like a puzzle - there must be a reason?

But in this case, friend of many years has been supportive and joyful friend. And it's heavy stuff- things are changing and I need to accept it,do my best...with my new boundaries.
Learning never really stops in life- certainly a reminder to me- and maybe it will resonate elsewhere🤗 take care

[Breadroll]

Personal update on life - realizing that I need to work on maintaining connections, being " in the world" a bit more - had people over to share a meal which was fun- and also caught up with another friend and her family . It was lovely- dinner in nice restaurant, kindness and conversation - I felt welcome and relaxed and enjoyed it.
A reminder that I am still human 😁

[bloomie]

Personal update on life - realizing that I need to work on maintaining connections, being " in the world" a bit more - had people over to share a meal which was fun- and also caught up with another friend and her family . It was lovely- dinner in nice restaurant, kindness and conversation - I felt welcome and relaxed and enjoyed it.
A reminder that I am still human 😁

Beautiful update! And sounds lovely!

[Breadroll]

Thanks Bloomie! It was refreshing just to be welcome company - to share a table with positive conversations- in a balanced way.

Am holding my boundary - and am surprised that I can «  see it » a little better now. It feels a little lighter, am looking out for myself.

[Breadroll]

A bit more boundary testing recently - and  know deep down that holding the boundary is the right thing to do for my own wellbeing. Feels like I missed a chance to say goodbye to the " former" person, which is a bit dramatic, but sort of true.

There is a bit of change in me, as I navigate through this stage of life_ Making conscious decisions to widen circle, and to lessen interactions with certain friends where there are " power plays". -( we are all couples, you are a single person stuff- bit weird)
Treasure some great moments in the past - but no desire to play into this dynamic.
Thanks so much to Out of the FOG -  humanity in action