It would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic

[Spirit in the sky]

My dad and his health issues continue as does his refusal to take responsibility for them. He hasn't been feeling well over the weekend, he refuses to see the doctor and just keeps complaining.

His latest brainwave is he going to get his friend to ask the doctor what's wrong with him (my dad) when he goes for his hospital appointment !

[WomanInterrupted]

Yeah, that's really going to work out well for him, I type with heavy sarcasm.   

When I was young, we had a neighbor who was a nurse.  UnBPD Didi liked to bother her with all her medical complaints (most of which were made-up), and would get *angry* when the nurse wouldn't just come over and take care of her, and would refer her to her doctor or the ER.   

When I got older, I became that nurse - except I was a Medical Assistant - still!  In her mind, I was just as good as a *doctor*     and her tone would accuse me of holding out on  her.  SURELY, I had all the cures in the universe, tucked away around here - or I could find them in the arcane, obscure corners of the Interwebs.   

You know, even if I did have that kind of power, it would still have done Didi no good, sitting on a shelf because she just "couldn't" take or use the powder, pill, lotion, potion, or tincture I'd brought her.   

I started referring her to her doctor and told her I couldn't help her - and cut contact significantly because I just couldn't *take* anymore. 

When your dad invariably gripes that the neighbor either didn't ask (I wouldn't), or the neighbor said the doctor says your father has to see his own doctor, if I were you, I'd stick to, "Gee, that's something..." - and change the subject, FAST. 

Or even better, get off the phone, ASAP.   

He'll never take responsibility and he's only going to change for the *worse* - so I'd shore up my boundaries and buff my Medium Chill to a high sheen.

You'll thank yourself!   

[lkdrymom]

They really don't want their health issues actually fixed.  What would there be to complain about then?

[p123]

Yeah, that's really going to work out well for him, I type with heavy sarcasm.   

When I was young, we had a neighbor who was a nurse.  UnBPD Didi liked to bother her with all her medical complaints (most of which were made-up), and would get *angry* when the nurse wouldn't just come over and take care of her, and would refer her to her doctor or the ER.   

When I got older, I became that nurse - except I was a Medical Assistant - still!  In her mind, I was just as good as a *doctor*     and her tone would accuse me of holding out on  her.  SURELY, I had all the cures in the universe, tucked away around here - or I could find them in the arcane, obscure corners of the Interwebs.   

You know, even if I did have that kind of power, it would still have done Didi no good, sitting on a shelf because she just "couldn't" take or use the powder, pill, lotion, potion, or tincture I'd brought her.   

I started referring her to her doctor and told her I couldn't help her - and cut contact significantly because I just couldn't *take* anymore. 

When your dad invariably gripes that the neighbor either didn't ask (I wouldn't), or the neighbor said the doctor says your father has to see his own doctor, if I were you, I'd stick to, "Gee, that's something..." - and change the subject, FAST. 

Or even better, get off the phone, ASAP.   

He'll never take responsibility and he's only going to change for the *worse* - so I'd shore up my boundaries and buff my Medium Chill to a high sheen.

You'll thank yourself!   

My wifes a registered nurse and she HATES being the families medical representative. Shes had family members speaking to consultants then in the evening phoning my wife to ask her opinion! Now she tried not to get involved.

Of course, my Dad was like this. Expected private medical treatment from my wife. Now she refuses and he hates her.

[p123]

My dad and his health issues continue as does his refusal to take responsibility for them. He hasn't been feeling well over the weekend, he refuses to see the doctor and just keeps complaining.

His latest brainwave is he going to get his friend to ask the doctor what's wrong with him (my dad) when he goes for his hospital appointment !

Yes my Dad has done that too.... Or he'll ask me when his doctor has told him one thing? I keep saying Dad Im not a doctor or even close.

His stupidest thing is his attitude. Its funny. He thinks you go to the doctor, they give you a pill, job done. There is no such thing as "sorry we can't help" or "you'll have to give it time". If they don't fix him he'll phone again for a different opinion. Hes actually been asked by the Senior Partner not to keep calling because they've explained the same thing many times.

When he had a knee op they told him he had to do exercises afterward. He never did then moaned his knee didn't get better. Why? Because "its their job to fix me, but they want me to go to all this hassle when its their job to get it done. Not doing it".

Like you said, if you saw this on a TV sitcom you'd be laughing....

[Spirit in the sky]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Update from my father, he says he's dying. I asked what the doctor said, he replied he wasn't well enough to go to the doctors, so he went to the pub instead !

[biggerfish]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Update from my father, he says he's dying. I asked what the doctor said, he replied he wasn't well enough to go to the doctors, so he went to the pub instead !

I can't help it. This made me chuckle. I know you said it would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic, but can we now all laugh? We're not really laughing at your dad. We're laughing at the commonality we all have of dealing with such people, and the ridiculousness of it. A little humor helps put a spring in one's step.

[p123]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Update from my father, he says he's dying. I asked what the doctor said, he replied he wasn't well enough to go to the doctors, so he went to the pub instead !

Haha. Yes had that. One Xmas day he swore blind he "wasn't going to last until the doctors opened in 2 days". Even though he'd been harassing them the day before and they'd told him they weren't coming out to see him because he was fine.

Stupidly, I stayed with him to calm him down, neglecting my own family and kids, on xmas day. Should have just told him to carry on then and call an ambulance which he was threatening. (They'd have phoned him, and probably not come out like they do now with him)

[Spirit in the sky]

My dad ended up in hospital today with fluid in his lungs. No idea why he waited a week to finally see a doctor. He'll have to have it drained now as it's built up over time.

[biggerfish]

My dad ended up in hospital today with fluid in his lungs. No idea why he waited a week to finally see a doctor. He'll have to have it drained now as it's built up over time.

Oh dear. Well I'm glad he is finally getting help.

[Andeza]

It sounds like your Dad likes to use the ER as his regular doctor instead of, ya know... his actual regular doctor. Just remember, you do not need to be there to hold his hand or anything like that. He's a big boy (theoretically) and he'll manage just fine on his own. I recommend steering clear of this whole situation as it's likely to be him just telling nurses and doctors they don't know what they're doing.

[Boat Babe]

My spectacularly histrionic grandmother was always at Death's door. She lived to be 101 exactly, dying on her birthday after the party (which was actually pretty damn cool).
My mother is 86 and in great shape for a woman that age. God, she goes on about her health. I've heard it called "the organ recital" which makes me chuckle.

[2_exhausted]

I actually am an RN, but when I give my opinion, it is, of course, discounted.... I work n the operating room. So I HONESTLY know what they will DO during an operation. But why would anyone listen to me? I guess they think I have fun lying to them.

When I ask my UBPD M what is wrong, "she is not good, dizzy and in pain"....did you take the Tylenol? NO. Ok, I guess you were not in very much pain. I do know when I am in pain, I take anything I am able to.

Spirit in the Sky, I am sorry your dad has to go to the hospital.



2exhausted

[Spirit in the sky]

I was talking to an elderly gentleman today, he was looking for information on healthy eating. He nearly 90 lives on his own, his children all live the USA, (I'm in Ireland).  He looks after himself, is clean living and cooks for himself and is so kind an appreciative when someone helps him.

The contrast between him and dad is unbelievable. My dad knowing eats all the wrong food, I suspect he's stilll drinking alcohol, thinks pills are the answer to everything and refuses to walk or exercise. Actually he refuses to do anything that would help himself, instead he carries on doing exactly what he wants and then when he's ill expects the doctors to find some miracle cure to enable him to carry on as normal.

I'm getting a lot of wake up calls recently and this time I'm not even asking the doctors anything because he ignores their advice. He always has been an extremely selfish and self centred person, so now it's time I started looking after me first.

[p123]

I actually am an RN, but when I give my opinion, it is, of course, discounted.... I work n the operating room. So I HONESTLY know what they will DO during an operation. But why would anyone listen to me? I guess they think I have fun lying to them.

When I ask my UBPD M what is wrong, "she is not good, dizzy and in pain"....did you take the Tylenol? NO. Ok, I guess you were not in very much pain. I do know when I am in pain, I take anything I am able to.

Spirit in the Sky, I am sorry your dad has to go to the hospital.



2exhausted

My wifes an RN too. Shes washed her hands of my Dad - he listens to advice when it suits, then expects miracles from her other times.

Medications. He moans his knees are hurting.....

"Are you taking the painkilers the GP gave you?"
"No I only take half a dose because they give me constipation"
"Didnt GP give you something for that?" Sena hes got
"Yes but I'm not taking that in case I dont make it to the toilet and anyway my friend said those painkillers are addictive".

Carry on then, don't listen to medical advice - it cant be that bad can it?

[2_exhausted]

P123,

No, it cannot be THAT bad 

Now that my UBPD mom is living with my aunt, I receive at least 5 calls from my aunt per day I work (she CANNOT reach me in the Operating Room), so all calls are after 6 pm...she will state my mom is dizzy...I ask if she called the Dr.  Of course not. I filled a 3 month supply of m's meds in February..... I recently asked my aunt if they need a refill, as it is 180 days later...no. So she is not taking her meds correctly. My aunt claims to get euphoria on Aspirin  , I told her it is not a side effect... but she is still holding back Tylenol for my mom. The number of phone calls on weekends are 10 plus. Most of the time I do not answer.

My M really wants nothing to do with me.  Which is ok. She never calls, maybe she cannot remember the phone number.

Most of the people in my mom's family are uPDs or have many traits. At holiday meals, they actually argue with me about how an operation is performed. None of them are surgeons or work in an OR. Even prior to YouTube, somedo noteven have Internet access. One day I stopped, and thought, "why should I waste MY energy on this insanity"....so now I just agree. "Yes, your incision hurts after 4 years", etc...

[p123]

P123,

No, it cannot be THAT bad 

Now that my UBPD mom is living with my aunt, I receive at least 5 calls from my aunt per day I work (she CANNOT reach me in the Operating Room), so all calls are after 6 pm...she will state my mom is dizzy...I ask if she called the Dr.  Of course not. I filled a 3 month supply of m's meds in February..... I recently asked my aunt if they need a refill, as it is 180 days later...no. So she is not taking her meds correctly. My aunt claims to get euphoria on Aspirin  , I told her it is not a side effect... but she is still holding back Tylenol for my mom. The number of phone calls on weekends are 10 plus. Most of the time I do not answer.

My M really wants nothing to do with me.  Which is ok. She never calls, maybe she cannot remember the phone number.

Most of the people in my mom's family are uPDs or have many traits. At holiday meals, they actually argue with me about how an operation is performed. None of them are surgeons or work in an OR. Even prior to YouTube, somedo noteven have Internet access. One day I stopped, and thought, "why should I waste MY energy on this insanity"....so now I just agree. "Yes, your incision hurts after 4 years", etc...

Exactly. The meds thing is crazy. Doc told you to take them, you don't want to, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?