Dilemma and Feeling Frozen

[WhiteWolf]

Two issues. Two fronts. First one. Car dilemma. Please help me sort this through clearly.

I have no vehicle. In the relationship we only had one car between us. Absolutely a way to control me. Anyway. Stbx has gone to great lengths to find me a vehicle and then is on the verge of leasing it. I'm torn about this. Due to me being the stay at home parent I have no income and therefore can't just go out and get my own vehicle. The only vehicle we have (awarded to me in the protection order) is over 100,000 miles and not under warranty. So not ideal for me to keep it past the divorce. And the finances are getting drained on a rental car for stbx. But the only way to get a vehicle now is for stbx to procure since they have the income. What do I do?

Second issue. Other problem I'm having is I feel frozen and unable to tell stbx exactly what I want. Which is to be able to move on peacefully, while they do their part they are obligated to financially so kids and I aren't in financial trouble right off the bat. They keep insinuating they'll just take off and move. Which in theory would be great because then they aren't in the same vicinity. But bad because what would I do financially then? I feel frozen though and keep saying I need to see real behavior change over a long period of time before I can even tell them what I want. I'm getting lost here in trying to mitigate their damage to me (ie buy myself some time to get a job/benefits/car), while staying authentic to what I actually feel. While being told I don't love stbx anymore. And all the while feeling it's a "punch her in the head and screw her over"kinda special.

No wonder I feel depressed dealing with this stress!

[Rose1]

I'd be very wary of anything right now that could end up being a control method. How about he buys himself a car and keeps the loan?
You take the one you were awarded.
If he has a loan and you are relying on it, then you can be held to ransom.

With absent pds there is good, very good and some bad. Mine was absent and it took me a while to realise what a benefit that was. The kids were stable, I had a lot of parental alienation and gossip and side swiping at every opportunity but most of it I didn't see.
The down side is there isn't much support but after a while i realised there never had been and I had one less teenager to deal with.
Finances are another down side. Can I suggest you try and get a low amount credit card for emergencies and start to organise yourself to get a job. That gives you a credit rating and once you get a job things start to improve. I started off office contracting through an agency with data entry etc and worked my way up to senior accountant. Took a while and some study but the best advice I can give is become independent as soon as you can because there's nothing worse than being down to your last 20.00, no gas in the car and late again with child support, meager though it was.

And the smirk when reminded. Outperform him. Fortunately that's not difficult. Be ready for the whining when you earn more than he does 

Some people advocate taking half the money and putting it in your own account for preservation. I think personally being strategic is very good but there may be consequences that aren't worth it. However be prepared for him to spend the money if you don't.

Maybe talk to a couple.of domestic violence centres (financial abuse is a thing) and see if you are entitled to any gov support.

Take care

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Whitewolf - it often feels so overwhelming when trying to handle so many issues.  Rose1 gave some great advice.  I suggest getting some support somehow to bounce off ideas/plans/finances/etc....  it's a lot to handle own your own.  Perhaps through a domestic violence shelter/organzation?