The peace

[escapingman]

I just want to share a little story, a positive one for a change, just as an encouragement to everyone out there thinking of leaving the PD or are in the process of leaving. I am nowhere out of it, but I am not living with STBX anymore and have been NC for 6 months (never thought I would be able to write this, WOW).

Me and DD went in to the town where we live, there are Christmas markets and decorations etc. I had in mind to go to one of those markets and eat foreign food and see what they were selling. We got there and I bought a beer for myself, DD didn't want anything. Came back to her and asked her what do you want to eat, they had several food stalls. DD said she didn't want to eat there, I asked her why and she gave me a list of reasons, all of them made perfect sense (it was outdoor and she was cold, people were smoking and people where drunk). So I finished my drink and we left and agreed on an Italian instead, but to our disappointment the one we were going to had closed down since last time. We were then thinking of where do we go now, DD very cleverly took her google maps up on the phone and found a very nice little Italian restaurant just around the corner. We ended up having a lovely meal in there.

Why am I writing this, sounds just like any normal day out doesn't it? It's just that if I had thrown in STBX in the mix the day had ended with her first giving me the silent treatment in the market as she is unable to express her views without kicking off. Then after I had spent half an hour figuring out what the problem was and eventually got her to speak, we would have left and then had a long argument where I would have to present every single restaurant in town, whilst she would reject every single one until I had said we are going to this one. When we would have arrived to the closed down Italian restaurant she would have stormed off with me having to search for her until I eventually would have found her sulking in a corner of a street. Then she would be giving me the silent treatment and then we would have gone home without anything to eat.

After me and DD had eaten we went through the shops she likes, the kind of shops STBX would refuse to set foot in. Anyway, as in the scenario with STBX we would never have gotten to the bits with going shopping.

Oh the peace.

[Starboard Song]

Congratulations to you!

That is what normal looks like. It really is. I am very happy for you. Thank you for sharing your story. You've been through so much in the time you've been here. I gotta say, it is remarkable. Give that DD a big hug, and commend yourself, please, for holding it together.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

I completely understand - it's amazing how life can feel so different....

[haribo_milchbaren]

Well earned! I'm so happy for you and DD.

[JustKeepTrying]

Love this news!  You made my day and I am vey excited to see you experience peace!

[guitarman]

Thank you for your post.

[NarcKiddo]

Yay! That was a lovely post to read.

[Aeon]

Wonderful post and inspiring.
Thank you so much for sharing it.

[hhaw]

EM:
Things will get hard, then easier then really hard as you go through this.

Remember, your feelings aren't who you are.  Feelings are like clouds.....they pass by.  You can sit with them, notice them, tend to them 2hile doing nothing.....,and they'll pass, ime.

It's when we DO DO DO things to relieve the suffering short term.....that gets us in trouble.

After all the years of repeating patterns.....getting what we've always gotten....we sit and notice more choice.  We change up our behavior and get something new and lasting.

This will be difficult, but you're noticing the fruits and flowers too!  Keep going back to finding joy in the present.  Rinse and repeat.

You're surfin'real good.