Extreme gaslighting

[rockandhardplace]

I didn't really JADE, I was going more for yellow rock. I responded to a ridiculous accusation because it's via text and I want to have the paper trail. What ensued was worse than normal. Over a couple of days leading up to Xmas he excused many of his abusive behaviours. Usually when I call out his abuse he ignores it completely but I have an email now from him saying the name calling is justified because they are true. I kept trying to make him take some accountability for his behaviours and what he's revealed is the lengths he will go to to justify them. I was a stay home mom for more than a decade and in all that time he never wanted me to work, he advanced his career and I was home with 3 kids 50+ hours a week, quite isolated, with no support from any family as they live other side of the world. Now he is literally making up conversations we didn't have or changing content and trying to gaslight me into thinking I was some horrible lazy mum who refused to get a job. I was very independent when I met him and he basically convinced me that his income was ours and me staying home with kids was good for us all. And left all the kid and house stuff to me. I'm sure I can't be the only stay home parent that has had this done to them and he's been twisting truth for ages but now it's got so extreme I've got caught up in the hurt of it all again. The betrayal. The fear and downright disgust and disbelief that anyone could lie like this and that this is my childrens father. His family are staying with us and the way he plays normal guy is making me feel sick. I can't bare to be in the same room as him.

[notrightinthehead]

Yep. Happened to me. I was the lazy woman sitting on her big behind all day long, only doing the housework, take care of the kids, do all admin stuff for him and us, never cooked anything he liked, was too dumb to get the right type of bread for him. He probably still sees and portrays himself as the poor victim of a lazy woman who did nothing all day long while he worked himself to the bone trying to keep her comfortable.

[rockandhardplace]

Not right - have you left him? What happened? Did he use the kids? Turn them against you?

[notrightinthehead]

My kids are grown up. He left me when I was financially independent and had changed my behaviour so I was no longer any use as narcissistic supply. One child is no contact with him and the others are  on friendly terms with both of us. He tried to turn the kids against me but didn't succeed. They told him they didn't want to talk about me with him.

[Preamble]

This happened to me too.  I came off much worse than Notrightinthehead.  Lost everyone, seems permanent.  He left me, but changed his mind, so I was left thinking I turned him down at the only time in his life when someone could have made a difference.  I don't really think that is a thing, though.  Doesn't that make me some kind of very powerful saint?  Seems unlikely, because I have learned a lot since then and I can see what a mess I was.

I didn't really JADE, I was going more for yellow rock. I responded to a ridiculous accusation because it's via text and I want to have the paper trail. What ensued was worse than normal. Over a couple of days leading up to Xmas he excused many of his abusive behaviours. Usually when I call out his abuse he ignores it completely but I have an email now from him saying the name calling is justified because they are true. I kept trying to make him take some accountability for his behaviours and what he's revealed is the lengths he will go to to justify them. I was a stay home mom for more than a decade and in all that time he never wanted me to work, he advanced his career and I was home with 3 kids 50+ hours a week, quite isolated, with no support from any family as they live other side of the world. Now he is literally making up conversations we didn't have or changing content and trying to gaslight me into thinking I was some horrible lazy mum who refused to get a job. I was very independent when I met him and he basically convinced me that his income was ours and me staying home with kids was good for us all. And left all the kid and house stuff to me. I'm sure I can't be the only stay home parent that has had this done to them and he's been twisting truth for ages but now it's got so extreme I've got caught up in the hurt of it all again. The betrayal. The fear and downright disgust and disbelief that anyone could lie like this and that this is my childrens father. His family are staying with us and the way he plays normal guy is making me feel sick. I can't bare to be in the same room as him.