Co-living, should I try it?

[openskyblue]

This isn't exactly a PD recovery question per se, but I figured I'd put it out there and see if some wise OOTFers have advice for me.

Since I left my exhusband over three years ago, I've been living on my own. At first, it was just wonderful to have a safe place of my own where I could come home and relax. Gradually, though, it's started feeling kind of lonely. For 20 years, I lived with a houseful of people--kids, long-stay relatives who needed a place to live, animals. Right not, it's just me and the plants. I've been thinking it might be nice to share a place with a roommate, but at my age I have no clue how that might work in terms of finding one. Most of my friends are in their own places, many still married. Also, I live in an expensive metro area. It would be also be nice to cut down on living expenses by sharing with someone.

Have any of you gotten a roommate, shared a home with others in their 40s-50s-60s? What do you think of the idea?

[Spygirl]

I have considered it, but frankly i dont think my head is in the right place yet. I am also wading through the divorce process, so i need my privacy now.

I do have a friend who has a home that does Air B&B out of it. She has had no bad experiences, and she has been able to meet lots of people, and make a little money.

Have you considered getting an easy part time job, or volunteering?

I volunteer, and it has kept me from being isolated. I have made great friends through it.

Perhaps a pet?  Mine bring me tremendous comfort, i am never alone. Or volunteer at an animal shelter and walk dogs ?

Imo, people our age are very set in our behavior and expectations. There could be a clash.  There is also the health care concerns area to consider. What if your roommate takes a turn, and needs a parttime caregiver, which may be expected to be you? I have seen that circumstance as well. Some things to consider.

[openskyblue]

I'm still working fulltime -- and will be for awhile. In fact, I'm around quite a lot of people during the work day. Just am getting weary of living alone.

[notrightinthehead]

I have a house guest since December last year. A foreign student who was looking for a room. We share bathroom and kitchen, sometimes have a chat, sometimes eat together,  but mostly we both live our lives seperately. There are days when we don't speak and others when we have a long chat. Sometimes we watch TV together. Although she is younger than my daughters, I enjoy having her around. In the beginning we had to get to know each other a little bit,  establish some ground rules, and I needed to show her how to clean the kitchen after she has used it.  But now living together is smooth.

[practical]

I don't have any experience, maybe start with somebody where you know it will be time limited? Graduate students, interns, somebody who is in your town only for work but goes home for weekends? This way, if it doesn't work for you, it will come to a natural end and/or you still have some time to yourself.

[openskyblue]

Yeah, I can't really go that route. My place isn't big enough to have a roommate. I'd had to move into a shared situation. But thanks for all the ideas, experiences.

[1footouttadefog]

I have heard of many roommates situations where the people do not interact much.

It might help with rent but not the lonelyness.

[mdana]

I have thought about it myself --- now that my kids are gone and this house seems soooo big!

I agree with "

I have heard of many roommates situations where the people do not interact much.

It might help with rent but not the lonelyness.

"

Having a room mate may not necessary help with the loneliness.  When I was married (with PD ex) and our kids were home --- there were plenty of people around---even when we traveled abroad and were surrounded by oodles of people, friends, and family --- I never felt so lonely in my entire life!!  So, maybe it's not so much about who you live with???

M

[openskyblue]

I guess I'm coming at this from a slightly different angle. I've watched the women in my family live on their own starting in their 50s, 60s, etc -- and it hasn't been good for them. They got very isolated and shut down intellectually.  I don't go to church/temple or am I in clubs, which used to make community for women. Now I'm starting to think about the living environment I want for myself as I age -- and living all alone in my apartment is not appealing. At the same time, I don't want to partner up with someone, just because I'm lonely. It seems like there should be more options.

Just thinking out loud here. I still go to work every day, but in 5-8 years I will retire. It seems like now's the time to start experimenting, researching, etc.

[Hattie]

I lived in shared housing for 13 years when younger and generally enjoyed it.

I considered moving into a Buddhist commune at one point last year but decided against it, as I wanted to get used to being on my own. ..

I do have a friend in her 50s who moved into a  house share part time to attend uni. It's been really positive for her and has helped her get Out of the FOG from her abusive husband....

[1footouttadefog]

Maybe living in an apartment village or a condo community would work for you.  There are also intentional communities in some parts of the country where people with a common lifestyle or way of life live together.

Examples

Organic comminities,
Tiny homes,
RV resorts,
Solar power
Off grid
Retirement
Nudists


My parents used to own an RV and kept it in a RV park year round.  They had a community there.  They could pack a cooler, grab a few clothes, put the dogs in the car and spend the weekend there.

Even in the winter when the park was closed people would stay in a hotel nearby so they could meet, and play cards, dominoes and eat together and catch up.

I recommend the meetup app for finding folks with common interests.  I have had high quality experiences with it.

[moglow]

OSB, I'm in much the same situation as you - I have friends but I'm alone. Lonely. I've done the roommate thing under duress in the not too distant past, and I'll confess I didn't like it. I rented a room/suite but still, I was in their space.  I resented the noise, the intrusion and lack of privacy, the dependency. Simple things like not being able to control the thermostat or having "morning people" all chirpy and perky when I function better when I can ease quietly into the day.

I love the idea of a tiny house community where everyone has their own enclosed space, but there's community around them.  One could join the others or not, and we wouldn't be isolated. Where that might be, I don't know, but I've not given up on the idea.

[openskyblue]

 

These tiny home communities and Co-housing ones seem like a step in that direction. But not a lot of them.