Block vs save for legal reasons

[Sidney37]

It's been 4 years since I've seen my parents and 3 years of NC.  The emails, texts and phone calls keep coming.  I take big breaks from being here (and feel pretty good) until the calls and texts start again.   

There have been times over the years that I have had them blocked to the point that they got a message from the cell phone company that they were blocked.  At that point they started calling my neighbors and my former teenage babysitters (who were in college at that point) whose numbers they must have saved from the emergency call list posted years ago on my refrigerator or the few times we all went out and left the kids with the sitter.  They made threats of wellness checks when they called neighbors. 

They made these calls when they thought we were on vacation because someone on my daughter's social media saw a picture of a kayak weeks after our vacation and the family assumed we were away.  Nope.  It was weeks ago, but it felt like they were trying to catch us away so they could do a wellness check with the excuse that no one had seen us in a while.  Luckily the neighbors responded that they had just seen us that day and then called me to describe the strange phone call from my father.  I'm almost 50 and my father is calling my neighbors who he doesn't know who live 8 hours away!!

I unblocked and sent the messages to a folder that had looked at occasionally.  Recently I got a new phone and an
software update and blocking was erased.  I'm now getting the calls with demands to visit, threats to show up unannounced (from 8 hours away).  Do I break contact and say "don't come"?

So I'm left wondering if it's best to keep a paper trail of their threats to show up, call police on me for being NC, etc, or to go back to blocking for my peace of mind?  Will the paper trail ever be necessary or do I block again?

[NarcKiddo]

This sounds awful.

Have you in the past categorically told them not to contact you? If not, I guess you might consider writing a letter telling them to stop (and that you will call the cops on them if they turn up unannounced). I don't know if you need a paper trail to get a restraining order, should you feel the need to go that far, but maybe you do. Perhaps you should get some legal advice, just in case.

[Srcyu]

Sidney37
In answer to your questions - I would say to never, ever break no contact in order to say, "don't come" No Contact is already saying that for you.

Keep the paper trail, you never know when you might need it.


milly

[Andeza]

The only exception to this that we did was to have a lawyer deliver a C&D letter. The laws where we are are more favorable if you establish a paper trail, beginning with the C&D, if it ever has to move forward to a RO. Don't send a C&D if you aren't willing to immediately turn around and go through with the RO. Otherwise it's like warning a toddler they'll be put in timeout for the next tantrum without following through. Then they think they can just get away with whatever.

[Cat of the Canals]

I agree that it may be worth it to keep any ongoing contact but engaging with them at all is only going to encourage them, because they managed to get *something* out of you, even if it was, "LEAVE ME ALONE." Stay strong, Sidney.

[Cat of the Canals]

P.S. If you find that allowing the messages in to save them is too stressful, just go back to blocking them.

[Liketheducks]

I'm sorry this is happening.   It's a lot!    Can you report this as stalking in your legal jurisdiction?   Does your local area have anti-stalking laws?   Seems like this is exactly what's going on.

[Sidney37]

This sounds awful.

Have you in the past categorically told them not to contact you? If not, I guess you might consider writing a letter telling them to stop (and that you will call the cops on them if they turn up unannounced). I don't know if you need a paper trail to get a restraining order, should you feel the need to go that far, but maybe you do. Perhaps you should get some legal advice, just in case.

Thank you.  I didn't say don't contact me directly.  At one point  I told my  enD I was blocking my mother because she was calling and upsetting my kids when she got them on the phone.  I said I'd communicate by email only.  Then after months of emails of  them blaming me for their terrible behavior and not apologizing for the multiple tertible things she said and done, he posted on social media that I had them both blocked on all forms of communication (not true - just her) along with pictures of my kids and a sob story about how I was keeping grandchildren away.  Then he got blocked except for email.  The post of his was copied and shared by his church friends,  I had to contact the company to have the posts removed.  It was a mess.

Rather than telling them I was NC, I replied to an email years ago with what they needed to do to resolve this.  It was basic  and about apologies and  being kind.  They just kept blaming, making mean social media posts and emailing memes about keeping grandchildren away.  They sent emails that they were taking me out of their will or demanding back gifts they gave almost 30 years ago.  I don't respond.
I don't want their money or anything of theirs.

The only response they have received in recent years was to a text saying they were on their way to my house (8+ hours away).  I responded "don't come" so I had proof that I had told them not to come in case I needed to call the police.

[Sidney37]

The only exception to this that we did was to have a lawyer deliver a C&D letter. The laws where we are are more favorable if you establish a paper trail, beginning with the C&D, if it ever has to move forward to a RO. Don't send a C&D if you aren't willing to immediately turn around and go through with the RO. Otherwise it's like warning a toddler they'll be put in timeout for the next tantrum without following through. Then they think they can just get away with whatever.

Thanks.  That makes sense.  I'm dreading the RO but we might get there.  It will officially make the rest of the relatives so mad that I'll truly be cut off completely. 

Right now I have a few cousins who occasionally communicate, but their new trick was to befriend my almost 18 year old child to make plans to see at her college which is in a tourist area her once she turns 18.   The adult cousin reached out on my child's social media page.   I'm sure it will involve cousins the first time and my parents will miraculously appear the second visit. 

[Sidney37]

I agree that it may be worth it to keep any ongoing contact but engaging with them at all is only going to encourage them, because they managed to get *something* out of you, even if it was, "LEAVE ME ALONE." Stay strong, Sidney.

Thanks.  It's definitely not easy.