who else besides me has been NC long enough that you've googled for an obituary?

[xredshoesx]

hope all y'all are well today.

i've been NC with my biological mother for over half my life now and i'm closing in on 52.  periodically i google both her and her parents names to see if they are still among the living.  nothing on my grandparents who would both be over 100 by now, but we've joked for years that my mother would just not report their passing to keep collecting their social security and one false hit on someone with the same name and birth year as my biological mother who was not my mother.  so for one brief shining moment i knew how i would feel if she died and i felt NOTHING.  it was the best feeling of nothing ever.

i'm sure i'm not alone in both this action or how i felt for that golden few seconds i really thought i was free of her. 

[Leonor]

Hi Red,

I do this too (actually there's an old joke about the obits being the "(insert your ethnicity here) sports pages," so it must be a favorite pastime in some families

That's how I found out a relative of mine passed, and all the descendants of my generation were remembered by name ... except me. My mother wrote the obit, so it wasn't like an accident or oversight or anything.

For me it was shocking (I have literally been erased) but also validating. I try to find the freedom in it.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Yeah, I have. And discovered that wow, I have a fair number of near relations I never met, or even knew existed, who lived not far away from my family growing up. Huh. How about that.

My parents are apparently still alive, though.

It's only been five years and they are not old, but with road rage and such you just never know.

[xredshoesx]

part of me wants to report my biological mother for social security fraud to be honest.  i guess i'd find out right quick if i did that.

[11JB68]

My updm didn't believe in obits.  Didn't want anyone knowing their business! But enD contacted my best friend and told her my updm was dying.... that was how I found out

[Pepin]

I do this on a regular basis.  I also routinely check one organization that posts online that likely would make a post if my father were to die.  I'm waiting....

[Call Me Cordelia]

So this is awful but I would expect that the flying monkeys would fly into a vortex upon the death of either of them. They would be missing their scapegoat about then. Anything to get them out of the widowed narcissist's crosshairs.  Probably. Who knows. I really don't NEED to be checking the obits. But every now and again I admit to having a bit of morbid curiosity/wishful thinking. Not so much about them being dead as it's being definitely, completely, utterly, indubitably, really really over.

[JustKat]

I used to do this regularly. I was NC with both parents when my Nmother died. No obituary for her but at least my sister emailed me to let me know about it.

After Nmom died I remained NC with my enabling father, but started googling obituaries when he stopped sending hoover cards. I did eventually learn that he had passed away, but there was no obituary. I found out by spying on my sister's social media. There was no obituary printed because she tried to conceal his death so she could steal my inheritance. (I had been told I was disinherited but that turned out to be false.) I also suspected Social Security fraud.

So be aware that the lack of an obituary doesn't mean the person is still alive. When my sister shared the news on Facebook she could have chosen the "friends only" often and I never would have known. But I guess she needed the attention so badly that she made the post public. Oops.

[Srcyu]

It is the best feeling of nothing ever. I couldn't have put it better myself.

 My bpd mother has been deceased for a few years now. I haven't bothered to count them but yes, they have been golden.

I did google the obituary, it cemented the knowledge that she had really gone.