He Left at 5 am

[Doggo]

I can't say enough good things about the support on this forum--thank you everyone. Am having random good and bad moments. He is halfway across the country--reached the relatives he is going to stay with. I hope they keep him busy now, because he is flooding me with tearful text messages.

To answer a few of the comments:
Am hoping to find some way to be out of the house much of the day on Christmas--sitting home with the dogs won't be good for me. So far--may try to pack the (inevitably car-sick) dogs in the car and walk in a new park somewhere.

I like the share with neighbors part! There's a woman around the block who has become my walking buddy--will see if she will be home at all and bring over a bottle of wine so we can commiserate (she's divorced for many years now and raised two sons by herself).

frustratedanddiscouraged: <<My DH is jealous and controlling and always the "victim." On Saturday, I'm going to go to a Christmas party without him. I haven't told him about the party yet,>>
I would constantly have to do that!! Not because he would create chaos, but he would either sulk/be sullen/play the victim if I wanted to go alone--or else he would come with me to all sorts of things (sometimes he even wanted to go to work lunches with me)--and he would either sulk/be sullen/read his phone the whole time if he wasn't interested in what was going on or he would take over the conversation so I couldn't get a word in. So to avoid the sullen/sulking drama for days in advance, I wouldn't tell him my plans until the last minute.

He was/is this unholy combination of avoidant PD, dependent PD and obsessive compulsive PD.

GettingOOTF: <<I had a lot of learned helplessness plus it was all exhausting and I thought having him help with things would actually be helpful. It wasn't. He made things more stressful and harder, I just didn't see it as I was still seeing things through his eyes and listening to his voice in my head.>>

Oof...yeah, am discovering all sorts of learned helplessness, and I really hate having his voice in my head.
I don't expect the holidays to be magical--I just expect it to be a time when I finally get to do what I want, as opposed to having to deal with his sulking all day and not wanting to get out of the house at all because he'd rather sit on his recliner and sex-chat with women.

I have a wonderful sister who has been coming over to help me with things--despite my isolating myself from family for 20 years.

[Poison Ivy]

Doggo, I'm very impressed by all you have accomplished in the short time you've been posting on this forum.  I've already reached the other side (spouse withdrew many years ago, now we're divorced), but you're one of the many people here who inspires me as I continue (sometimes) to struggle.

[capybara]

Doggo, it's a hard time of year to be alone, for sure. But I have found that now I look forward to long weekends instead of dreading them (and days off). I wish the same for you.

I think Christmas Day is a good day to go to the movies, if you like that. I have friends who always go for Chinese buffet on Christmas. We went with them once and it was really crowded and fun. (Reservations definitely required!) And I'm so happy for you both that you're reconnecting with your sister.

When my kids are with BPDH over the holidays, I'm planning to try some longer meditation sessions and hopefully getting out to a park for a long walk. And also tv time! I like to go out even for a coffee, to feel like I'm around people without paying for a whole restaurant meal.

Did you ever see the SNL short "Christmastime for the Jews"? It's very cute!

[Doggo]

Thanks, PoisonIvy--I think it's a family trait, cause my siblings are the same we: we are empathetic and supportive often to the point of our own detriment. But if someone crosses a line--whatever that line is--we are stubborn and angry.

Chinese food at christmas is a Jewish tradition!! I've not seen the SNL skit, but I have the South Park song--It's Hard to be a jew at Christmas, which is really funny.

[Poison Ivy]

The Christmas gathering with my FOO often isn't on Dec. 25 because family members have their own extended families to celebrate with as well.  So, since my ex left, I typically go to a movie on Dec. 25 with one or both of my adult children.  We have discovered that it is a HUGE movie day, so sometimes we need to buy tickets ahead of time.