When others ask about your parents

[The Butterfly Effect]

Windmill, my snide inner voice responded with, "Well, I had very much hoped my mother would treat me differently all these years but here we are. Actions have consequences..."

And there's this wonderful invention called The Telephone/Cellular which works perfectly well in my mothers  house but she only (accepts)..I mean  expects, incoming calls because her entitlement to be called is way up there on the "I'm your Mother" verbatim  regardless of how many times I've picked up the phone to call her.

OMG....we have the same mother.   She's angry with me because I'm not jumping to call and "fix" our relationship.   I welcome a different discussion, but I'm not going to be the one to reach out.   Then she complains to all the world about how horrible I am.   

Exactly this! Having finally stood up to my Mother after one two many provocations and digs too many, she tried to bring me back into line with her go to method of silent treatment. I stood my ground and this has morphed into NC. I've been discarded. If she approached me to apologise for her behaviour, her words, her actions, her nastiness I would be open to accepting it. Our relationship would however be superficial and VVVLC as a result so nothing else would change. BUT, she will never say sorry because that means accepting responsibility. That would mean she was wrong. Never will she do that and I accept that's just how it is. So here I am. My FOO have stopped contacting me, no doubt sucking up the smearing and I'm left banished. But I am free from the family dynamics and toxicity. The only thing I do worry about is when either one of my parents dies and the ensuing funeral.  I'm currently at unease with this dilema. But I'll save that for another post 

[sandpiper]

If she didn't have a clue about the situation then I'd just gently dismiss the question & attribute it to making conversation. If they're being judgey and trying to shame you in public, there's nothing wrong with saying 'My relationship with X is complex and it is private. It's not something I want to discuss at a crowded table at X's wedding reception. We are here to enjoy X/discuss business and I would like to get on with that.'

[Leonor]

What about in your best Bette Davis voice, "No, I haven't, and it's mah-vellous. You must try it sometime, darling, you'll love it."

And then turn back to the table and sip your champagne!

[sandpiper]

Leonor LOL
Love it.
My immediate thought was 'No, my life is great, why in hell would I want to do that?' And that's just the bubble that appears over my head in response to nosy questions about disordered/bigoted FOO. Pushing that one through the socially aware cognitive emotional filter takes some processing time.

[moglow]

Ran into this one myself last weekend - a longtime/lifetime friend passed, and I joined my classmates for her celebration of life. After, we're all catching up, who's where and "how's your mama 'n them" conversations flying around the room. I thought of this thread immediately, and calmly advised that as far as I know mother is well as expected, that she pretty much cut all of us off. I was a bit surprised when a few responded that they weren't entirely shocked, that they wonder it took her that long. She's back in the old hometown [returned there after all of us moved away!] and I suspect there were plenty of comments made while she was still somewhat active there.

[sandpiper]

Hey Mo - it is satisfying when someone actually sees it and says something.
I suppose that's the other possibility from giving an honest answer to that kind of question. Sometimes you may be talking to someone who is off-balance enough to believe everything the PD says, and then other times, you'll find people who can validate your experience.