It sucks...but i had to cut you off, my body couldn't take it anymore

[Wolfy]

i am a victim of narcissistic family member and now i feel blamed or shamed by my immediate circle and family for abandoning or not maintaining a relationship with my sister. my body was suffering the mental strain of being around her, so my flight response kicked in. i went ghost on her coz of the abusive tactics. it sucks but ultimately something has to give when these cluster B keep abusing codependents.
but sometimes we really don't have a choice but free ourselves.

[Call Me Cordelia]

I relate! I also ghosted my sisters. My closest friends simply don't understand. They understand about my parents more or less, but my sisters are also disordered. Many of my friends are quite devoted to their families, and just can't relate. I'm glad for their sake, but the feeling of judgment hurts. Even if they don't mean to be hurtful. I simply don't bring it up now.

It was too unhealthy for me to remain in those relationships, even though they "weren't as bad." But like you I would be in flight or fight mode for quite some time before and after an interaction with either of them. My body was telling me something! I'm usually a pretty together person but when I met my sister the last time I was so spastic. Forgetting basic things, getting lost on the way, could barely hold a coherent conversation. And there was no direct conflict! Meaning there was no blow up. That sister is extremely covert and is more of an inverted narcissist like our mother, so it's extra tricky. It's almost impossible for me to put my finger on it in the moment, but everything feels wrong when I'm around her. It's awful. And I just can't do it anymore.

Re being shamed by your family... these personality disorders don't exist in a vacuum. Usually there's a whole system of dysfunction and enabling, and your rocking the boat is a threat to everyone else's familiar and comfortable role.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I totally relate to your body suffering the effects of the mental strain of being around NPD family. I never realized how much the body internalizes the bad stuff others project. When I have the unfortunate occurrence of having to email, talk or text any of mine my whole body goes on high anxiety. I even see a text and feel scorched without any interaction.  You are not alone.  Yes, Of course, you had to ghost and take flight. It is an act of self-preservation. You are accurate that you had no choice. Nobody gets it unless you have been there. Now, stay gone from these people. Be healthy. Take care of you.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I'm usually a pretty together person but when I met my sister the last time I was so spastic. Forgetting basic things, getting lost on the way, could barely hold a coherent conversation. And there was no direct conflict! Meaning there was no blow up.  ...  It's almost impossible for me to put my finger on it in the moment, but everything feels wrong when I'm around her. It's awful. And I just can't do it anymore.

Re being shamed by your family... these personality disorders don't exist in a vacuum. Usually there's a whole system of dysfunction and enabling, and your rocking the boat is a threat to everyone else's familiar and comfortable role.

Cordelia - I feel the same. What you refer to about feeling spastic, forgetful, etc. is what happens to me each time I interact with my family at all. It is like brain scatters going on overdrive. I think my head is processing that this is wrong, but my heart says to have this particular contact and I am acting against what I know is right for me. The two opposing internal messages send everything off.  This virus has caused me to have contact I knew was wrong and now I am paying the price by feeling ill.  One thing, I suppose it has given me is added clarity. 

[GentleSoul]

I relate too, I had to cut off some family members for the sake of my mental health. 

[Wolfy]

hey Cordelia, that unsettling bit of confusion of no being able to piece together what you are actually feeling around them is like top five worst feelings ever. that feeling dreadful feeling of loosing a grip on normalcy and hits home for sure. i can really empathize with the trickiness of your family dynamics where you just find it hard to make sense of what the heck is really amiss. 

[Wolfy]

William I totally relate to your body suffering the effects of the mental strain of being around NPD family. I never realized how much the body internalizes the bad stuff others project. When I have the unfortunate occurrence of having to email, talk or text any of mine my whole body goes on high anxiety. I even see a text and feel scorched without any interaction.  You are not alone.  Yes, Of course, you had to ghost and take flight. It is an act of self-preservation. You are accurate that you had no choice. Nobody gets it unless you have been there. Now, stay gone from these people. Be healthy. Take care of you.

hey Blueberry Pancakes, those unsolicited texts can really be paralyzing. feels comforting to know that this isnt just in my head and that there are others on this treacherous path to well-being and health. thank you   

[bloomie]

Mod note - a couple of you may see where I edited your post. Not any issue with the content at all just edited out a member's name change. Carry on with this great discussion!

[Hopelessly stuck]

That was/is one of the first signs I get is that scatterbrained and that way out feeling when I am stressed by my family. It took me a while to recognize and figure out how to settle myself down. It does really affect or Physical well being also.

• I have been under Pyschistrists care since I was 25. I am on fewer meds for My mental stability now and many of them as seasonal.

I had a severe case of Arthritis, and that is in remission with only a little stiffness in the AM

• I had psoriasis badly on My hands and feet.  I only have a small area on ONE foot now.
• I had a heart attack 3 years ago, with one artery clogged 90% and one 40% it is clear of cholesterol now and My cholesterol is down to normal readings,

Some of these improvements are dietary, but I still eat too much High cholesterol foods in My diet so I can not attribute it to diet alone. Most of it is listening to the voices inside of me and working on My program to heal, from the abusive mental injuries the are happening to me now and the ones that happened in My past. I am happy You are recognizing the strain some people put US through. Hopefully, You can nip the longterm diseases caused by abuse away and lead a healthier life.