My Objectives

ploughthrough2021 · May 13, 2021, 01:47:44 PM

I just did my objectives. After being deprived of doing things my way for the past 30 years with my uNPDw, I am focusing on taking a future family vacation to a beach resort without her and to show my 3 kids what freedom feels like. As a second objective, I want to take a round the world trip to visit my sisters, cousins and aunts and uncles who are spread between, the UK, France and Australia. All this drama-free !!!!

Starboard Song · May 13, 2021, 03:47:12 PM

This is a great exercise to re-frame the world for yourself and break old habits.

escapingman · May 13, 2021, 04:13:13 PM

I have the exact same objectives, although I started doing some things without my NPD wife years ago. I can go on the exact same trip with and without her and it is like day and night. I managed to go on a weekend trip just me and one of the kids just before covid, that is one of my best memories ever. We had such a great time and no drama or hidden surprises. That is what I am looking forward to.

ploughthrough2021 · May 15, 2021, 09:48:16 PM

escapingman, how did you manage to take trips without her ? I have been trying but not very successful. That would be so wonderful for me to go to an all-inclusive beach resort just with the kids,

11JB68 · May 15, 2021, 10:07:03 PM

Plough through, same here.
Updh is very needy and fears separation. Also very jealous of any time I spend with ds. He reacts with guilt tripping, rage etc if I do anything without him especially with ds

escapingman · May 16, 2021, 11:24:14 AM

I stopped caring about what she thinks and says. She gets pissed off if I take the kids to the park for a kickabout without her so doesn't really matter what I do. I saw the light years ago but have been hoping for change, it won't come so doing my best until I am out.

ploughthrough2021 · May 16, 2021, 12:57:57 PM

I have just added another one: It is to get re-acquainted with my good friends that I had to to let go because of my uNPDw s behaviour around them. This objective will be more longer term because it will take work...

escapingman · May 16, 2021, 02:16:31 PM

Agree with this one too, I meet my friends in secret when travelling for work. Haven't had anyone visiting our house for years, even my dad has to stay in a hotel when he comes to see us (last time must be 3-4 years ago now).

ploughthrough2021 · May 16, 2021, 06:50:16 PM

escapingman, you and I are having the same path in life. If we were in the same room, we would probably finish each other's sentence !

escapingman · May 17, 2021, 05:28:38 AM

Have you got to the "I don't give a sh*t" position yet? I have noticed that it really doesn't matter one jot what I do, she react with the same severity and with it all being centered around her anyway. She would blame me the same for going out with some friends in the local pub for an evening as she would blame me for going on a weekend trip with a friend to the other side of the world. Guess what, I ain't going for evenings out anymore..... This works out quite well for the kids as well as she is doing her best to prove to them that any problems are caused by me so she is on her best behavior to them as soon as I am away. And when I am back home, my get out of jail card is always pretending I had a bad time as she just leaves me alone then, if I did enjoy it she gets jealous and starts picking fights.

Stay strong my friend and hopefully we are both out of this soon.

1footouttadefog · May 28, 2021, 07:26:53 AM

At some point I realized my spouse ruined all trips in about the second evening or the third morning. I took a couple over nights with him as a test and they went well. I then took the kids on a longer trip without him.

He simply does not like being Way for reasons I cannot understand but I could not let him ruin opportunities with my kids.

I have taken them to Canada several times, New England, Japan and to a Dozen countries in Europe.

I so glad I took the bull be the horns.

ploughthrough2021 · May 28, 2021, 09:20:51 PM

Quote from: 1footouttadefog on May 28, 2021, 07:26:53 AM
At some point I realized my spouse ruined all trips in about the second evening or the third morning. I took a couple over nights with him as a test and they went well. I then took the kids on a longer trip without him.

He simply does not like being Way for reasons I cannot understand but I could not let him ruin opportunities with my kids.

I have taken them to Canada several times, New England, Japan and to a Dozen countries in Europe.

I so glad I took the bull be the horns.

What is your trick to get him to accept to travel without him ?

1footouttadefog · May 30, 2021, 12:43:30 AM

At some point we left the dog at a kennel. When we picked her up she acted zoned out and like she did not realize we were there. He does not want to leave her there ever again.

We started going on a trip just for him with the understanding he would watch the dog while we went in a trip without him.

Another strange thing that started happening is that when we travel close to home, to surrounding area towns or cities we will spot restaurants we thing he will like. We sometimes try them and then report back we found a place for him. Later we will take a ride out for dinner with him anothe week, taking the dog sometimes or leaving her home others as these are usually less than an hour away.

He seems to like us finding new places for him and usually likes them. Of late he seems happy to have us find take out to bring home.

I think he knows he gets anxious and ruins things for us and is not entirely awful so he is okay with us having the outing.

ploughthrough2021 · May 30, 2021, 08:59:19 AM

Hi Onefootoutofdoor, you are extremely lucky that you can go on trips with kids without him. I can only dream about it ! If I did that, she would be absolutely livid...

11JB68 · May 31, 2021, 08:25:33 PM

Plough through I'm with you here unfortunately.
Updh cannot stand to be alone, hates me to even go out for an evening without him, let alone a work trip overnight or an overnight with a girlfriend. Add to that he gets jealous of any time I spend with ds.... Yup ds and I going on a vacation without him would just not happen

1footouttadefog · June 10, 2021, 09:50:06 PM

Strangely my pd has for the most part never been jealous of my spending time out of the house with other people.

I think he sees us taking him on a trip for him as even with us taking a trip for us.

Like he really wants it all about him, and sees us going without him on a longer trip as fair since there are three of us.

I guess there are times when his ocd fairness freak tendencies work out for the best.