I really have been through a lot

[Call Me Cordelia]

We can’t have any family get-together for Easter! We have to keep grandchildren away because it just isn’t safe! Human beings weren’t meant to live in isolation!

The entire world is lamenting the selfsame situation that is my everyday experience. And it sucks for them. Huh. Governments are worried about everyone’s mental health now. Talking about the effects of mass trauma, experienced mostly alone. Sounds strangely familiar. Like siblings who were traumatized together but prevented from forming their own relationship.

Whereas for me... this is a million times better than life in contact. Even with the quarantine. I’m better off. I really have been through hell. And it continues to be hard. It’s okay  and good to be aware of that. I tend to minimize the ongoing struggle of raising a family alone, because it really is better! But I need help too. Human beings weren’t meant to do everything on their own.

[Starboard Song]

You are so right. We are meant to be together.

Young men don't hug and touch their friends much. I remember being single in college, and one day realizing that -- despite having many friends and not being at all isolated -- I had made no physical contact with anyone in several weeks.

Thank you for sharing your observations, as the whole world goes through a brief period of loneliness that others endure in a longer way.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Thank you. My head's still exploding over the way I live almost all of the time, and was feeling really proud of the progress I've made, is an International Crisis of Mental Health.

Similar to you in college, I have friends and have worked really hard to build that substitute family if you will. But it's still a distant second to having a close and loving extended family.

[WinterStar]

Call Me Cordelia,

I think you're really on to something here. The world is recognizing the mental health difficulty of isolation, but it's something that a lot of people from PD families live with every day. Even if we aren't technically NC with our families, there's an isolating quality to what we experience. I have zero family members I can rely on for even the most insignificant support. And it's been that way my whole life. It's really sad and hard.

Add to the difficulty of feeling alone the fact that many of our family relationships are also abusive, and no wonder we struggle with our situations! During difficult times my family actually causes more problems and makes everything harder. I learned to stop asking for their support, and somehow they have still found a way to make things more stressful for me during what has been a challenging 12 months in my life.

[Free2Bme]

I'm doing virtual sessions with T, he has asked the standard mental health question every week "how are you coping with shelter-in-place?".  But I've not really noticed a huge shift for me in terms of feeling isolated, etc.   Of course I am concerned for people (especially elderly and those in healthcare), and I'm sympathetic to those feeling the disconnect.   But I haven't felt anymore at a loss for relationships than I normally do.  This affirms what I already knew,  I have a large void in my life.  Marriage to uPDxh was isolating, then divorce took relationships from me; my family, his family, friends and church, a fatal blow to a terminally ill situation. 

Winterstar-  I hear ya,  I too have zero family to rely on for many years now.  Have you ever been filling out a form that asks who to call in case of emergency?  This one is always tricky and super sad...  
I now put down my adult DD21.

I have had no choice but to adapt and be self sufficient,  but it's a pain that doesn't go away and I long for people to love and that will reciprocate.   I really don't know how to rebuild or where to start, it all feels shallow, and up-hill. 

So strange, I would never really say this to people I know, and most that know me probably think I have it together and I am A-Ok           It feels safer to say it here, I guess. 

[Spygirl]

Lol,

I never even thought of this!

I guess i am so comfortable with being on my own its no big deal.  I find comfort in it at this point. I only lament that it gets pretty expensive to get help with things couples or families take for granted. Just not as physically strong anymore.

[notrightinthehead]

Every day I am grateful that I go through this alone and not with my stbxNPDh. I would be so unhappy and probably drink like a sailor. I am grateful to the woman who puts up with him now. I am glad that they seem well suited and happy together.
I have started to build some new connections that have continued digitally for now and so far I have been able to show my true face. It's early days but I hope that for the first time in my life I might be acceptable to others while being authentic. 
Forced to be alone for such long stretches and unable to throw myself into activities that allow me to run away from myself, I have been able to understand a lot about my own contributions that kept me in a toxic relationship for a long time. I sincerely hope that at the end of this we will all be a little bit wiser and more self aware and that I will be able to maintain the deeper understanding that I have at the moment.