First post as a new member.

[adamtheman888]

Hello everyone. My name is "punching bag." Seriously, I am bipolar axis 2. Split personality. Not multiple personalities, split personality. I can go from sobbing tears one moment (real manly) and in two minutes or less I'm raging. Getting off androgenic steroids helped. Geeze. I have tremendous anxiety. Finally complex PTSD.

Believe it or not, this is so embarrassing, my "first two marriages" were with you guessed it, covert narcissists. Talk about discarding.  I had no idea what a female covert narcissist was. However, I learned real fast.

I thought the second divorce was going to kill me. Not murder, the pain of the situation once she was gone. I suffered tremendously for 4 years. Then, "the one" (I thought) walked into my life. You know the type. The tiny gymnast that does the floor routine. I think you get it. It's a completely different experience guys. There were no warm fuzzies. Our fuzzies were red hot!

I have been married to my Wife for 15 years. She too is bipolar, axis 1. She calls herself a "straight shooter." Code for no filter. Her mask came off about 4-5 years ago.

She has served me with divorce papers three times in the last year. She loves to see my facial expressions when I shut the door. The first two were a no challenge cases where it was sign and be done with it. I signed them both, but she didn't do anything with them. This last one she's suing me for something insane, as well as wanting a court order to have access to my service dog, my registered emotional support dog.

I still love her very much. You know the rest. My nerves and emotions are raw. I went home today to grab more clothes and other things. That sounds so wrong to me. About an hour after I left, I got a text from her because she wanted to let me know she was nice to me today.

I miss her, I miss our home, I miss her cooking, I miss her singing, I miss my front and backyard and the deep emerald green grass that have worked on every single day, I miss it all. Correction, I don't miss the crazy making. I don't miss chaos. I don't miss the insults. I don't miss the daily sabotaging. I don't miss the passive aggression. I don't miss the gaslighting. I don't miss the projection. I don't miss her entitlement. I don't miss her grandiose self importance. I don't miss the dirty looks from her clueless girlfriends and her clueless family of abusive narcissists.

I joined the forum, hoping I can get some support from longtime members, and I'm hoping that I can also offer some kind of support to someone else. I look forward to getting to know as many of you as I can.

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome to Out of the FOG! What a merry go round of emotional trauma you describe experiencing in your marriage. I can't imagine being served with divorce papers once, let alone three times in a year with no follow through.

I am so sorry things have devolved in your marriage to this point. Your longing for your home and the things that held you in the relationship makes perfect sense to me and the relief you may feel from being free from the toxic behaviors also makes perfect sense.

It is complex and difficult to end a marriage and begin to sort through and rebuild your life. I am really glad you have reached out for support.

There are great resources and conversations here on the forum boards. We have a board specifically for those who are Separating and Divorcing found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=8.0

The toolbox and traits info at the drop down menus above are also a great jumping in place. We welcome you and look forward to supporting you!