Snuggling

[Cascade]

     For the past few months, my PDH has become a little obsessed with physical (mostly non-sexual) affection. We've been married for over 25 years, and there was a time when I really yearned for hugs, holding hands, etc., since there was a real lack of this in our relationship after we got married.
     I'm just confused as to why this is happening now? I don't even have a desire to be close to him in that way anymore, but I don't believe he's aware of that.  I can't help but think there must be some manipulation behind it. Has anyone else experienced this?

[Free2Bme]

Yes, I've experienced this. 
This is just another one of those unexplainable things that would make me doubt my perceptions of other (abusive) experiences with updxh. 

Similarly, when I would hear other women complain that they did not receive non-sexual affection from H's.... I'm thinking  .

My updxh (married 20 yrs)  was affectionate.  Hand holding, arm around me in church, foot rubs after a long day. HOWEVER,  he would withhold it when he felt I needed punishing for some perceived offense, & he frequently withheld sex.  This only made me feel more of an anomaly when I would hear women complain about having to give H's sex or how they could avoid this duty.  I'm like  , not my experience.  I couldn't exactly speak up and say I have affection but it is conditional upon my H abuse cycle, and I'm hurt because H withholds intimacy. 

He was also demanding about my level of affection.  I grew up in an openly affectionate home, naturally I am one to frequently give hugs, pats, kisses, etc. to those I am close to.  Even so, H would complain that I didn't give enough affection.  He would be upset if I petted my dog, but he was not deprived.  I believe it had more to do with an insatiable need to have people constantly revolving around him in some form or fashion.  In other words, it wasn't so much that he wanted affection, but he wanted attention.

It may be a manipulation, does your pdh have manipulative traits in other areas?  It could be he feels you pulling away and is trying to pull you back into orbiting around him.  It may be he is getting older (like we all are) and realizing his own mortality and the brevity of life, although most PD's lack introspection on deep level.  Does he need reassurance.  Maybe it's a sincere desire for closeness, but this is unlikely for person with PD.

I have no sage words of wisdom.  Hoping you can gain some clarity and peace about this issue going forward. 

[Veloter]

I experience the same thing.  Before I knew what NPD was, I thought it was cute, but then I realized it's yet another control tactic.  My uNPD comes up with these rules, such as "you have to kiss me every night before you go to sleep" or "you have to hold my hand when we sit on the couch and watch TV".    Anything that starts with "you have to"  makes the hair on my neck stand up.  I know exactly what he is doing.    The sad truth is that I don't trust anything he says or does anymore.

[Cascade]

Free2Bme, my husband has never withheld sex from me as punishment, well as far as I could tell. Honestly I wish he would.  My husband is jealous of the attention that I give to our cats, so I find myself stop petting them when I hear my husband coming upstairs, and I know I really shouldn't be doing that but I just don't want to hear him complain. It could be manipulation, like maybe he thinks that being affectionate will restore my sex drive. He told me that his interest in sex isn't as high as it used to be either, but I sure haven't noticed any decrease in his interest.

Veloter, my husband once made this rule that I had to give him a goodnight hug, just like I did to our children. It was an odd thing and didn't last too long. I can imagine that when you "have to" do all those things with your husband that it takes any potential pleasure out of them.

[BefuddledClarity]

Mine is unaffectionate and only affectionate when he wants to be[aka, when I stop, he starts].

I stopped bothering with the "I love yous" and kissing/hugging, or anything physical. I used to not be affectionate at all, then had a "honey moon" phase where both of us were, then it boiled down to just me. But I'm not caring if he's affectionate or not anymore. I also always hated kissing in general, I just don't like it due to past experiences in life.

So yeah, now he's the one initiating because I give up on being the only one who cares to keep the relationship together.

[Cascade]

I stopped with most of the affection too. Maybe this is why he has started it up. I'd stopped years ago though, so if this is the case, he only realized it recently or he only decided to care about it now. Interesting that you hate kissing, I don't enjoy kissing either. Thought I might be the only one.