I want my mommy

[BuzzyBee]

I feel this. I've tried to deny and not face the truth of my mom... it was just too painful. Its only led to me keeping her around and being involved in her mind games. I've never allowed myself to feel the hole in my heart, but I'm beginning to. I'm beginning to make small boundaries. I'm beginning to prioritize my family and time. It was thanks to my husband and therapist who said you don't need to play their games (FOO). I feel better, stronger, I'm not sacrificing a piece of myself to make her happy. I'm not putting up with the inappropriate remarks and feeling bad. I have let her run the show for me, on her terms and spun my wheels to be there. I dont want to do that anymore. Its sad and I feel a bit of shame talking to coworkers about the holidays. But I feel relief already by stepping out of the game. I wish I had a mom. What I have is an empty vessel. I feel like less of a woman, and struggle to this day because she did not teach me just basic women things.... But I'm much better off without her. I'm sure you are too. Think about how far you've come, and put yourself first. You can mother your inner child, and find peace.