Update and a Question

[StartingHealing]

Greetings to all the brave souls here!

Been a while since I last posted.  Figured that I would provide an update to let others not as far along the path hope for better, may I say a much much better daily life?  And then I have a question for those farther along than I.

First off, no lie it was 'hard' getting to where I'm at now.  However, it's so very worth it.  I know I was doing the best I could at the time, yet there are occasions where the thought does cross my mind of why the h-ll did I stay so long.  The trauma bond is a real thing.  Course by the time I finally went forward with the action that got her arrested, I was in a state of " If I don't do something, I'm going to die.  I don't want to die.  What can I do?" Once she was arrested, then I went forward with a long term protective order, and started working through all the digital stuff, banking, credit cards, etc.   

For all the new folks that have found this space, please don't wait as long as I did before getting free,  the longer you stay, the more damage you take, the harder it is to remember that you are your own person.  Beholding to no one. 

Settled into a nice rental house, plenty big enough, nice quiet working persons neighborhood, has several families that are home schooling, in a different town within a large metro area.  Shoot, now I can take a easy walk and go grocery shopping Nope, I have not been back to the area that the former marital residence is located in.  Why?  The gentleman that bought it was going to gut it, remodel, and then sell.  More power to him, you know?   

Funny, still get emails from debt collectors on the old email address.  I reply with the name and # of the former spouses slime ball attorney.  Eh, I don't want to know anything about anything regarding the former spouse.  Had more than my fair share of getting splattered when she would create a situation and then it would hit the fan.  Don't even want to be a fly on the wall when karma comes to call on the former spouse. I've moved past a lot of "stuff" working really hard on being indifferent.  Which is the opposite of love and way better than hate.

Health is improving, still coming back into myself. I am still having some psychosomatic body pains and those are reducing as well as blood pressure.  Sleep is back to something that is restful and restorative. Even been noticing that I'm remembering my dreams more. 

Even with the alimony that is taken out of my paycheck( yeah, even the court clerks were wondering about the garnishment since I was 100% compliant ) danged if I don't have more $.  Pay raise at work as well

The last batch of fussing and fuming was back in Sept-Nov 2023, got through that, and from then till now, a huge shift to the better side of life   Which brings me to my question to those further along the path than I. 

I have been noticing that ghosts of memories past will pop up occasionally.  I'm taking it to mean that the wetware is processing and removing said ghosts.  Is this something that y'all folks further down the path have gone through as well? 

My thanks in advance for the replies.

Wishing all here, all the best

[escapingman]

Great update, I am so glad you are doing well.

I am almost a year out of the last tie being severed from uNPDxw as the house was sold and I moved out. Of course we still have the children but that's a tie that will always be there, but I am still NC with her. I have done an enormous a lot of work on myself and I have just started to come to life. I have been sitting around the new house not really done much and with all stuff around me. Now I am starting to feel the house really is mine, the old stuff I just want to take to the tip really and I love my new neighbour hood. Yes I know she could turn up at any time to pick a fight, I am very much expecting it one day, but I am in a good state and I really hope I can just laugh her off when/if that day comes.

As you did, I stayed way to long and wish I would have left when I first realised what she was. So I second you and would advice anyone to not stay to long in these relationships.

As for your question, I don't really understand it. I am sorry for being a bit thick, but that's just me.

[Poison Ivy]

Ghosts of memories past: I've been divorced for almost 8 years. I don't think the ghost of May 2009 will ever disappear; that was when my then-husband was fired, a few days after Mother's Day and a few weeks before our older child's high school graduation. This ghost appears every May. Others are triggered less by the time of year and more by incidents. For example, I am now the sole owner of what used to be our family residence, and seeing certain things in the house (plumbing, furniture, peeling paint, broken tiles) bring up the ghosts of financial sacrifices and my husband's neglect of the house and its contents.

[square]

Happy to hear your update, StartingHealing.

I'm not out yet, but yes, those memories sometimes pop up, often out of nowhere. I just stuff them right back down because I can't do anything with them right now. When I'm in your position, will I take them out and process them? I don't know.

Poison Ivy, sorry to hear it's the bad time of year for you. Best wishes.

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you, square. After a few more bad things happened in the month of May, I resigned myself to it being the month of bad memories. Getting divorced (also in May) helped take the sting out of things such as the memory of my husband's firing. My children's generally positive lives helped take the sting out of things such as the memory of one of them getting a DUI in a May. Survival helps!

[StartingHealing]

escapingman, it sounds like you are doing well.  That is very good to hear 

Poison Ivy, Thank you.  It helps to know that what I am going through is typical.  There is instances where for some reason(s), the shite memories popup.  Have changed a great deal of things, however, 25 years o memories, is a LOT o crap you know?  I realize that not all was shite, unfortunately the bad bled over into the not shite.  If that makes any sense.

square,  Thank you. Sending you all the best.  When it's time, may you be able to exit easily and move into a much much better "space".