Intrusive thoughts

[mushka74]

I went no contact with my Narcissistic mother and sister over 6 months ago. At that point I was miserable. I couldn't focus on my lovely wife and two boys. Despite all odds something came over me and I saw a light some sort of divine power came over me. I wanted to protect my wife and kids at all costs including my life. I mean it. All that I could think of was if I have to burn myself so be it but my kids must not go through this pain. We as a family had little but we were always happy being together. My mother and sister have made a distributorship agreement with Satan I am convinced of it. Now that things started to come together for me I have this inner voice telling me all of this that happened to save me from them was a design. As if there was an intervention by the judicial system and members of my family. Mind you my family is  in Turkey not here. I have this voice in my head keeps telling me you didn't accomplish this people in Turkey opened a law suit to help you. I know these are figments of my imagination and the inner critic but the fact that I can't shoo them away once and for all is very distressing. I have been made to feel I am not capable of accomplishing anything on my own. My job was to be the worthless crazy person that was causing all the problems they were facing. I don't really know if these intrusive thoughts are going to go away for good at some point but I am battling them as best I can. Some days are better than others. I got a new remote job and lately I didn't have much to do. Right away these thoughts come into my mind see you did not get this job on your own. I interviewed 3 times and it took about 2 months to start but still my inner critic tells me I didn't get this. It was given to me. Like you have a chip in your head that goes active as soon as something is going good and starts to tear you down from within. To be able to make your own child abuse himself when you aren't there to do it yourself is a trick Satan couldn't play.

[Boat Babe]

Hi Mushka - thank you so much for sharing and being vulnerable. From what you say, your intrusive thoughts are affecting your well being and this will eventually have a knock on effect on your family and your work, which you have worked so hard to manifest. When this happens it becomes a medical problem with a medical solution. May I suggest you speak to your doctor about all this? I am sure that there are solutions, be it medication/therapy that can help you to feel better soon rather than later.  Please let us know how you get on.

[Rebel13]

Hi Mushka, I can very much relate to your struggles!  My inner critic has worked overtime on me for most of my life, since I left my family's home.  Like you said, it takes any opportunity when you have free time or your mind is not engaged, to pounce!  One thing that has helped me is Pete Walker's method of talking out loud to it and naming where it came from.  You seem very clear about the damage your family did to you, as Pete Walker is, and he writes about saying/yelling, when the inner critic is bothering him, "No! Take back your abuse and shaming, [name of parent]! I don't deserve this!"  Sometimes I also just tell myself "Stop" out loud.  Dialectical behavior therapy helps create lists of strategies and activities for distraction and self soothing in times like these as well.  Here is some information about that:  https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/distress-tolerance/

I wish you well and think it is so wonderful how dedicated you are to the well-being of your family of choice.

[Defiantdaughter1]

I know what you mean about intrusive thoughts. I deal with them all day every day. Sometimes there is a trigger, but most of the time, the thoughts just pop into my head. The thoughts can be of people or situations in my past that have angered me. I try very hard to look forward instead of backwards, but I don't know how to get the thoughts out of my head. I don't know how to prevent them from invading the peace of my mind, either. I try to think of better things. It's not that I'm not busy enough to think about other things. I plan to discuss it with my therapist.

I'm glad you out your wife and son first.