Neighbor issue

[Kroost]

Hello,
First post on this forum.  Hopefully I'm posting in right spot.  Seeking advice/support around dealing with neighbor who lives across the street.  A little back story.  We live in a newer development and have been here a few years. This neighbor was the first to build and we were the last house built.   I love our home and neighborhood.  Many of the neighbors are very nice. 
Looking back I should have taken the advice of the realtor who asked if I had met the neighbors (pointing in her direction).  I hadn't and asked why.  He informed me she grew up in the town and was a crazy B@&$h!  I shrugged it off as an issue between them.  I like to develop my own opinions of people.  After being in our house a few weeks my child (3.5years old) and I were outside watching her 3 boys and husband playing basketball.  The husband and I had a casual conversation about where we were from etc.  His wife came out and yelled for him to come in.  At the time I didn't think it had anything to do with me as I'm happily married and her husband had already conversed with mine a few times.  Over the years we've had limited interactions.  She would frequently come outside and scream at her husband or kids, so I limited my time outdoors when she was around when the kids were younger (now they're completely unsupervised outside).  If we had a neighborhood Mom's night she'd dominate the conversations and talk negatively about everyone in her life, especially our builder.  (Our builder was wonderful to work with, but it sounds like her experience was much different which seemed to strike a cord with her.)
Her boys (triplets) are 5 years older than my child and seem to have little regard for other people's property (used new neighbors basketball hoop without permission and broke it from hanging on the rim and parents refused to pay stating it must have been rotted).   They frequently play in the street in front of our home even though they have a huge fenced in flat backyard.  They don't play back there because they have two dogs who use it as a liter box and don't want to step in it. Their driveway/front yard is a steep hill and ours is level with the street.  Several times they've hit balls at our home, including a baseball to the front door.  My husband saw them do it and watched them run into their house. My husband went over with the ball in hand and told the father what they had done.  There was no apology or offer to even come at look at the dent.  I'm from a different upbringing where I would immediately apologize and offer to pay for the damages.  So we live with a dent.  They continue to play ball in the street and now that they are in high school they have a group of friends who use foul language and run all over our yard.  Sometimes late at night.  I've asked them nicely if they could not swear as there are little kids in the neighborhood and if they could stay off the yard and away from our cars.  This week the boys and some friends were playing kickball at the end of our driveway.  Every other word was a swear to each other.  My husband and I happened to be in the garage organizing the recycling to take out for the next day and the ball came close to his new car.  He very calmly said "hey guys can you do me a favor and watch the car with the ball? And please stop with the launguage there are little kids that can hear you."  They waited for him to go into the garage and one loudly yelled that guy has an attitude. He's a f$&ken prick."  (I promise you that's the last adjective anyone would describe my husband as).   We have a security camera that covers the front of our home/yard as there has been an issue with burglaries over the years in this area.  (This happen to catch everything unfold).  After finishing up the recycle sorting I saw the ball go near the car.  Thinking I could reason with these kids I yelled "c'mon guys. He asked you nicely. Please watch the car.. have some respect and move your game down the street towards your house."  One friend of the boys said, "ok, I'm sorry Ma'am."
In my head I thought great. Their friend was raised right. Turned around and went into the house.  About five minutes later the doorbell rings and it's their lunatic mother (wearing pj's and slippers) with her husband in tow (about 5 feet back).  She was screaming from the top of her lungs in my face to never talk to her kids again. Telling me she'll get a restraining order and then a trespassing order (I've never been on her property-ever).  She was completely unhinged and ranting and raving about me being a crazy bitch that it's just a "f*^>%n car!"  I started to explain that my husband asked them nicely, but quickly realized there was no point to in reasoning or rationalizing with her.  That's when I employed medium chill I read about here.  I think my lack of desire to engage her crazy behavior only made her more angry as she started dancing with her middle fingers up and sticking her tongue out calling me a loser, cunt, bitch and whatever name she could come up with.  She finally stopped after announcing she was "f$&@en done!" And marched acrossed the yard almost losing a slipper. Unfortunately my child heard the screaming and got up to see what was going on.  I did my best to explain to him in an age appropriate way why she was upset and that sometimes adults aren't in control of their emotions and behaviors.  (Ugh!!)
Sorry this is so long. Thanks if you've read this far. 😊 Now I'm not sure how to deal with seeing her in passing daily.  I do enjoy being outside and gardening in my yard, but am afraid she'll verbally assault me or worse.  Besides moving, Any advice??
Thanks

[bloomie]

Kroost - What a terrible experience! I am just sick that you and your family were subjected to all of this. You write so well I seriously felt I could see it all unfolding including the slipper as she stormed across the street! Yikes!

I am so thankful you used MC with them as they confronted you at the door. Whew! Who knows how this woman could escalate. I don't know what legal remedies there may be, but obviously if they are on your property without your permission that is trespassing and you can call the cops about that kind of thing.

Is it possible to set your garbage and recycling cans at the entry to your driveway, garage your cars, and kind of block access or put a fence and hedge around your yard?  It is really sad to have to potentially have to adjust the openness of your home because of these neighbors.

I do know that I wouldn't speak with those boys again in the future I would pick up the phone and call the authorities to avoid being accused of something you did not do or say to them. Not a lot of advice, but great sympathy that this family is so high conflict and causing such discomfort in the neighborhood.

[bloomie]

Popping back in to leave a link to the articles by Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute. I have found his work to be so helpful in developing a toolset when dealing with the kind of outrageous, aggressive, drama-bound type of person you describe here with your neighbor:  https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/blog

[Kroost]

Bloomie,
Thanks for the reply.  The slipper though!? 🤦🏻‍♀️ I desperately wanted her to face plant, but she managed to stomp on.  (I try to find humor in everything.  She was ridiculous!)  We are in the process of getting a fence around the house and back of property.  It needs to be approved by the town for the wetlands.  It's expensive and to do the front yard which has a setback from the road is about 60'.  I hate to even fence the property because it's more maintenance, but I feel it will help us be more comfortable in at least part of our yard.   My husband would be able to park in the garage if he sold his other car, but he won't part with it.  I thought about calling the cops, but I thought after the one kid said sorry I got through to them.  I honestly never expected their lunatic mother to come over.  I thought it was strange how she threatened me that she'd call the cops for trespassing, when it's my property they come on.  When she ever mentioned a restraining order, I desperately wanted to yell at her are you kidding me? You are the ones harassing us! I don't even walk on her side of the street.  My guess is she's got some form of PD?  I haven't shared this experience with anyone in the neighborhood, even though I know a few Mom's avoid her because of drama they've experienced.  She's like the mean Mom.  My husband feels she has something against me because she's jealous of whatever.  I'm not sure of that, but I do recall her commenting at the first Mom's night out that I make her and the other Mom's look bad because I mow the lawn and do our landscaping.  Umm okay, but I truly enjoy working in our yard and gardening.  I don't judge them for hiring landscapers.  Anyway I wish this would all go away.  I'm sure it won't be the last of her, but next time I will call the police.
Thanks again, it felt good to vent. 
Kroost 😊