Why am I so scared?

[Roza]

Why am I so scared of meeting with my NPD sisters? I used to  be the one that spoke freely and now I am scared bcz they will come after me for one mistake.  How do I get through this without getting hurt again, or pulled in again?  Why do I seem to want their approval? I bet it I was the SG all my life, really a doormat. Used abused and I have always apologized for everything even for things I didn't do. Why? How do I break free of this? I need to make me a priority.  I need ti get strong.

[WomanInterrupted]

Why do you HAVE to meet with them? 

You don't HAVE to do a thing! 

They *want* to meet with you - and you have the ability to say, "No."   

"It's not a good time right now.  I'll let you know when I'm available." - and *end the call or text.* 

If demands of WHY come up? 

"I just told you - it isn't a good time.  I'll let you know what works for me, later."  - END. 

BTW - that "later" - can be the 12th of Never, if you choose. 

THEY do not get to TELL you when they want to meet.  YOU have *options* - and a voice you've been trained not to use.  I'd start using it now - and yes, it IS scary because you're going against all that programming, but it's a *necessary* part of detaching from the dysfunctional dynamic.

So...they want to meet and you don't want to.  You can always wait until right before the meeting and text, "Something came up.  I have to cancel.  I'll get back to you later." 

And just when that later is, is up to you.  It could be a day, a week, a month - a year - or the 12th of Never. 

If you're again *told* you will be there - BALK.  Don't  show.  They are not your *overlords.*  They are your *siblings* and if they can't ask in a courteous manner, the answer is NO.

Their fangs are going to come out, sooner or later, and with luck, you're going to stop being scared and start getting good and *angry.*

Anger is a healthy emotion, if handled the right way.  You don't have to be destructive and negative - you can be *pro-active* and put up BOUNDARIES. 

Yeah - anger makes it REALLY easy to say no. 

It also makes it easy to NOT want their approval (which you're never going to get, BTW - that's just the way being a Scapegoat works), and a LOT easier to NOT apologize, for things you've got not business being sorry for in the first place.

Baby steps, Roza!

Baby steps!

You'll get the hang of it, I promise! 

Just have faith in yourself.

I do. 

[PeanutButter]

Why am I so scared of meeting with my NPD sisters?

I get it. Im afraid of interactions with foo and il who have hurt me and I know will continue to hurt me. I dissociate as a coping mechanism so I am unable to protect myself in that state when I am with them.
I think mindfullness, staying in the present moment, is where I started at. "Observe dont absorb" the negativity directed towards me.
Plus everything womeninterrupted says. I have gotten so much learning from her posts and still do. She just has a wealth of unparalleled experience, understanding and advice!

[bunnie]

Fear motivates us to take steps to protect ourselves.  You are scared of your sisters and in-law because they have hurt you and your body is warning you to be careful.  It is hard coming to grips with the fact that we have to be extremely careful around our foo.   

[Pepin]

Why am I so scared of meeting with my NPD sisters? I used to  be the one that spoke freely and now I am scared bcz they will come after me for one mistake.  How do I get through this without getting hurt again, or pulled in again?  Why do I seem to want their approval? I bet it I was the SG all my life, really a doormat. Used abused and I have always apologized for everything even for things I didn't do. Why? How do I break free of this? I need to make me a priority.  I need ti get strong.

I feel the same as you at the moment.  Will soon be meeting with my siblings and only one has been making an effort to keep things going between us.  The other one has withdrawn and I am uncertain whether that is a boundary or they are hurting inside.  I have no idea how to ask about how they are doing -- especially since the communication I have already initiated has been received with a flat response.   

The fallen GC is becoming difficult for me to accept anymore as a sibling.  Having been a SG my entire life, of course I can empathize with what it feels like...but those GC years I had to suck up in their presence were not easy!  I was a complete doormat and all I cared about was keeping the peace in the family.  My sacrifice though really backfired with regards to my own health and sanity.

The fallen GC just has no idea what I do to stay grounded on a daily basis.  I've been doing it a lot longer than they have and there is no way I am allowing myself to be sucked into their drama.     Ugh..