Authority

[AMC]

On Friday I went to the police station and spoke to a person in authority about my NC parent's harassment of me.

It was incredibly intense, scary and anxiety-ridden. But I did it.

It was an amazing release for me to have someone in a position of authority say that my experiences meet the criteria for harassment. Also, incredibly sad.

If you had told me 6 months ago, that I would be standing in a line waiting to speak to the police about my mother - I wouldn't have believed you. Along this journey, I have reacted and responded to the events as they have unfolded in front of me, one step at a time. Now I am here. When I reflect on the situation in isolation of the years of toxic, emotional abuse, I feel a searing pain rip through me - Guilt.

But, when I stand up straight and look at myself and what I have managed, I feel pride.

I go from one extreme to the other, like a pendulum, trying not to become zealous in my attempts to rid myself of such a difficult and hurtful relationship, at the same time as ensuring I hold on to the empathy I still have for someone who is so clearly unwell.

I need to both to get out of bed in the morning and remain standing up.

I now face the decision about going to court and I don't know if I can, but I know I would be supported by my amazing partner and other family members - as well as the authorities. What I find most reassuring is the motivation behind, what could appear to be a cold and damaging procedure - is care. I want to be out of this hole I am in and I wish that she could get the help she so clearly needs.

Arresting her would most certainly lead to inpatient care, and finally some calm for me. An odd wish, but one that makes total sense now that I'm here.

[biggerfish]

AMC -- Good for you! This has been a long time in coming for you, and you had to feel ready. As in, you felt the need to have all your ducks lined up and to be certain of your boundaries and that you're doing the right thing. It's obvious you are a person of high integrity.

And now you have authorities supporting you. That was an important step because you're actually in a situation that no mere mortal should have to handle on their own. This really is a legal issue. You've rounded up the right folks. Plus you're posting here, where you can get supported and love-bombed.

I'm sorry you ever had to be in this situation, but you're handling it well, and are a good example for others who might need to take similar actions.

Yup, you can keep your empathy through all this. For myself, I like to call it "empathy from afar" LOL. Another word that I like is "compassion." There is nothing about compassion or empathy that require a relationship. 

And you are well capable of going to court if you decide to. Sometimes we have to set our thoughts and feelings aside, and simply order our muscles to move. That might be what you'll need to do.

I am wishing for calm for you. And I'm cheering you on.

[AMC]

biggerfish

Thanks for your encouragement!