Who were the healthy, good people you have encountered on your journey?

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,

As part of our healing journey, I just thought I'd reflect on the healthy, kind, healing people we have encountered on our way.

As many of us here, I was the designated scapegoat in a family of PD's. I come up as an 'empath' on tests... I was constantly bullied and abused, mocked, hit (occasionally, but the emotional abuse was ceaseless), isolated, banned from driving, forced to do constant chores that my brothers didn't have to do, I constantly had my privacy/room violated/ barged into.

Despite this, and yes, it sure caused scars that I'm healing from, I made friends, got through school and uni, I volunteered and contributed. We are chosen for scapegoating because of our inner spirit and heart, I think this makes us stronger.

I did have some support... Friends at school were invaluable, kind teachers who adored me and supported me, a kind aunt and cousin (who I rarely got to see), a kind and doting grandma. Counsellors etc. These people lifted me up,supported me,helped me feel seem and valued.

Even authors and artists helped me, when I was banned from driving (my mother prevented me from driving until I was 23), deliberately kept poor (despite my parents having money), banned from seeing friends, I could visit the free public library. I could escape, find hope, dream...

There were also bullies etc. outside of the family, but I have escaped them all in the end.

Anyway, let's keep healing, and looking for ways we can be that kind person to other abuse sufferers as well 

[SonofThunder]

Hi JollyJazz,

Love the positive vibes!  Thanks for posting this subject.  Sorry you endured so much abuse from all angles.  After thinking about your opening title and those in my life;  the healthy, kind, calm, patient people in my circles, are those who have also suffered and endured hardships of one kind or another. 

Therefore my answer to your closing statement, is that my own hardship and endurance may also end up being a benefit to others, by creating a steadily healthier, kind, calm and patient person in myself. 

SoT

[NarcKiddo]

My paternal grandmother and my boarding school housemistress have both been major good influences in my life. I was fortunate enough to be able to spend regular amounts of time staying at my grandmother's house without my parents or sister. That was the closest to good mothering I got and I treasure every moment of it.

[Jolie40]

I did have some support... Friends at school were invaluable, kind teachers who adored me and supported me, a kind aunt and cousin (who I rarely got to see), a kind and doting grandma. Counsellors etc. These people lifted me up,supported me,helped me feel seem and valued.

that's great you had the above supportive people!

I posted before about the mom of my HS best friend
we became friends
I would go over & talk with my "substitute mom" while she made homemade oatmeal bread
she even let me live with them for a month so I could get away from  FOO

we still talk on phone for about an hour each time
she gets my sense of humor & laughs at things I say
she also says "love you" when we hang up

[JollyJazz]

Hi JollyJazz,

Love the positive vibes!  Thanks for posting this subject.  Sorry you endured so much abuse from all angles.  After thinking about your opening title and those in my life;  the healthy, kind, calm, patient people in my circles, are those who have also suffered and endured hardships of one kind or another. 

Therefore my answer to your closing statement, is that my own hardship and endurance may also end up being a benefit to others, by creating a steadily healthier, kind, calm and patient person in myself. 

SoT

Thank you for your kind words, and support!

Yes, it's certainly a wonderful form of alchemy, to turn hardship into wonderful qualities like compassion and patience, truly something to celebrate in others, and ourselves! 

A little add on topic... I may post this separately, is where we are, and how we can be that kind person to someone else in a tough spot. In my own case my little niece is clearly the scapegoat in her nuclear family, she has the kindest little heart, luckily I'm in touch with her and do get to see her sometimes, I just purchased a necklace for her with a traditional 'guardian' symbol on it.

[JollyJazz]

My paternal grandmother and my boarding school housemistress have both been major good influences in my life. I was fortunate enough to be able to spend regular amounts of time staying at my grandmother's house without my parents or sister. That was the closest to good mothering I got and I treasure every moment of it.

Narckiddo,

How wonderful that you had those wonderful figures! My paternal grandmother was also fantastic. She passed away 7 years ago, and I still miss her, although I feel her presence and warmth 

Thanks for your story!!

[JollyJazz]

Thank you for the positive thread! Always good to think about the good. I have a good friend who was the one who first told me, "your wife is abusive to you." Since then, he's been incredibly supportive of my journey. He's been through a lot of trauma from childhood himself, and suffers from severe PTSD. I think people who have been through a lot of difficulty themselves can tend to be a good support system...they have the empathy from experience to understand the turmoil of what we are facing. This friend is also extremely perceptive, I'm always amazed at his knowledge and wisdom about situations and people.

Hi user,

Your friend sounds so wonderful! And isn't it interesting how some people turn the terrible pain of childhood, intimate partner abuse etc. into wisdom, compassion and helping others, and other types use it as an excuse to abuse others! Hardship is truly a test of character!

I'm very glad that you have such a wonderful friend  I wish you and he all the best, for your happiness and healing!!!

[JollyJazz]

I did have some support... Friends at school were invaluable, kind teachers who adored me and supported me, a kind aunt and cousin (who I rarely got to see), a kind and doting grandma. Counsellors etc. These people lifted me up,supported me,helped me feel seem and valued.

that's great you had the above supportive people!

I posted before about the mom of my HS best friend
we became friends
I would go over & talk with my "substitute mom" while she made homemade oatmeal bread
she even let me live with them for a month so I could get away from  FOO

we still talk on phone for about an hour each time
she gets my sense of humor & laughs at things I say
she also says "love you" when we hang up

Hi Jolie40, your substitute mom sounds so wonderful, oatbread and all, amazing!

It sounds like she really loves you a lot!

I also had a friends mother that looked out for me. I remember my mother going through a particularly psycho patch. I remember escaping to my friend's house one night, and she must have known things were bad at home for me (and I have an outwardly polite etc. family). I remember that warm hug she gave me still!!!

I'm really really glad that you had, and still have that!