training a puppy gave me confidence

[TriedTooHard]

I am wondering if this analogy is a reach, but I recently adopted a rescued puppy, and experienced some training obstacles that opened my eyes to how I was dealing with the uNPDs and BPD in my life.  After correcting for those obstacles, there was success and now am feeling much stronger in making some much needed changes regarding my contact with the uPDs.

It had been a long time since I've lived with a dog, so I enrolled in some classes, assuming all dog training techniques were the same.  I heard that some of the older, more abusive practices were out of fashion, and was glad.  The we took only focused on the "positive".  If the puppy behaved badly, I was told to turn my back on him, wait for him to stop, and reward him with a food treat when he stopped.  If he was too hyper to stop, I was to make sure everyone got out of the way, wait for him to be in a position where I could gently pick him up and bring him to his crate, and feed him so he would not have any negative associations with his crate.  Because of my own childhood abuse issues, I fell for this.  Meanwhile, the puppy grew bigger, and his jumping, nipping, chewing, and counter surfing got worse.

He was at risk for being labeled a problem dog.  I had to quickly change the approach before disaster struck.  I hired a balanced trainer who taught me how to be a confident leader who faced the dog's issues directly and used quick, consistent, and humane corrections.  Within weeks, his bad behavior stopped and he is a happy, well mannered young dog now. 

Looking back, I relate those "purely positive" dog trainers to the well meaning, but uninformed people who have an un-realistic view of what we're all going through here.

[notrightinthehead]

 Are we the puppies or the trainers? 

It's the boundaries thing again. We need to be able to set realistic and firm boundaries and there have to be enforceable consequences when they are crossed and we have to stick to them. That is hard work and often it is so much easier to turn your back to bad behaviour, even more so as we are dealing with adults.

And like you, I have often found the well meaning advice of well meaning people not applicable to my situation.

[TriedTooHard]

Thanks for your reply.

Ha! I guess it was a weird analogy. 

But, when you put it in terms of learning boundaries, we are like the brand new, would be trainers, trying to navigate this topic, and figuring out what works for us, and what doesn't.