Hello, my name is Laurie and I'm deep in the FOG

[AbundantlyLoved]

It's my first day on this forum, and I look forward to learning a lot. I am a mid-lifer who has just found her voice after many, many years of FOGgy family dynamics. Many of the unhealthy behaviors I've read about (i.e. gaslighting, stonewalling, passive aggression) have just been a regular part of our family's interactions. As I've begun to practice setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, I've felt much better about myself. However, I am absolutely alone in my desire to do the work it takes to heal past wounds and create a healthy future. This is all complicated by the fact that we lost my father about 5 months ago. It has NEVER been the "right" time to honestly discuss this problem, but now my siblings are using our mother's despair as yet another reason to avoid all of this. Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this. I hope there will be someone that can relate and offer any words of advice. Blessings.

[Penny Lane]

Hi and welcome! I'm glad you found us.

The journey Out of the FOG is life-changing and in many ways amazing. But it can also be somewhat lonely, as you're finding.

It sounds like you're adopting good healthy skills. The toolbox at the top of the page might help you find others.

I look forward to hearing more about your journey on these boards!

[Seven]

Hi LaurieAnn

I can relate.  I'm the last of seven siblings (hence my user name). The other daughters and myself recognize our mother is uNPD.  The brothers can't imagine their mother being anything but perfect, even while recognizing that "yes mom does this and this and this BUT..." and refuse to put a name to the issue. They even use the right words...jealous, vain, passive aggressive, liar, manipulator, martyr,  but don't equate that to narcissism.  They just think narc means vanity.  I'm the one that has done the research, been on the forums, etc.

And now mom is diagnosed with dementia.  It's most likely Lewy Bodies and not Alzheimer's but the siblings in charge won't discuss that with the doctors because "what does it matter".  Emotionally it really doesn't matter, both are incurable.  Medicinally, it does matter.  There are just a lot of blasé attitudes going around.

The only thing you can do is what is best for yourself, whatever that may be.  You can't make your family listen unfortunately.  Like mine, they may nod heads in agreement, but not actually care or wish to do anything about it.

[backtonow]

Hi Laurie Ann. I'm on my first day too but I didn't see how to start a new topic. I'm in very similar situation. I'm in my fifties and father has just passed. I've been pushing sibling back for years because of chronic insensitivity. Friend suggested checking this forum out because sibling appears to be narcissist.

[Spring Butterfly]

laurieann - I have a similar history finding my voice mid life and you're in a good place! I travelled my journey alone for a while and my husband supported me but it took a while before he began his healing. You can totally do this on your own and we're here to hold space and support your journey!

backtonow, here's a quick guide for you making your first post https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=26098.0