Crazy Aunt behaviour!

[Dodo]

this isn't about my uocdh but my Aunt who I'm quite sure has some kind of personality disorder also. My question is about my Aunt who is very old and lives alone since her husband died 15 years ago, she also has no children.  She has always been anti social and likes anyone to come to her home and doesn't really want to go to anyone else's home, so whenever we invited her to family dinners or whatever she would not come.  So my Mom who was her only sister and friend really..... passed away two years ago.  The very day after my Mom died my Aunt started giving my brother and I a bad time about my Mom's will.  She said oh your Mom wanted me to have this and that and oh and she wanted me to have her car (which my Mom had just bought) and so on.  I couldn't believe her behaviour,  I was the executor of my Moms estate and so I did my best to give her a lot of stuff, but not the car as my lawyer said I should put a price on it.  So I did and when I told her it would cost this much she said "I can't believe you would charge me for that car as I gave your Mother so much money through the years).  Well this really upset me as I thought this should have stayed between her and my Mom, NOT ME.  So my brother and I went over there a few weeks later to get the car (which had been at her place because the last few weeks of my Mom's life she was staying with my Aunt and wanted us to take the car over there for whatever reason).  Did I mention my Aunt is rich! 

I phoned my Aunt and told her my brother were coming over to pick up the car and anything els that was in her garage that belonged to my parents to pick up.  So when we arrived at her house she had thrown all my parents stuff they had stored in her garage out on the front lawn.  Even my Dad's ashes.  I was furious but we started to put everything up and put in the car anyway until she came out crying and carrying on and gave the keys to my brother (who wanted the car and needed the car in the first place, she could afford to buy a new one herself).  I tried to go over and give her a hug as she was almost hysterical but she pushed me away and went into the house and slammed the door.  I yelled "you bloody old B and you will never see me again to the closed door"!!  So since then we haven't spoken, nearly 2 years.

My dilemma is should I go by and try to mend fences or should I just leave it alone, she is very old and doesn't really have anyone.  Enough time has passed and I'm not sure if her behaviour was just greed or grief?  I'm afraid she may reject me but I feel I should try.  Opinions please?

[Amadahy]

Hi Dodo!
Sorry about all of this.  If you can offer your aunt goodwill without expectations, that is a good place to be.  So many here have horrid pasts of abuse by a PD person that reconciliation isn't possible or healthy, but sounds like your aunt has just been kind of an eccentric, peripheral person in your life?  In a season of giving and peace, if you feel it in your heart to give it a go, then you should.  However, under no circumstances are we ever to take abuse.  Just take good care of your sweet heart and we'll be hoping for a good outcome for you.   

[Dodo]

well sent my Aunt a email and tried to mend fences but I haven't heard back from her and I doubt I will.  I will be fighting the urge to tell her off for the next few weeks.  She probably wants me to apologize for the things I said but I want her to apologize for the things she did!  I will try and let it go but it's hard! 

[daughter]

I'd not communicate with aunt any further, unless mandated by estate issues by attorney. 

Her bad behavior and petulant demands provide good reason for a "Big Chill" in relations with you. 

I've a friend who decided to help her unmarried elderly uncles, and was rewarded with endless errands and administrative paperwork for these bachelor-uncles.  Lots of "I need cottage cheese", even though they're mobile and living in high-end retirement homes.  Lots of "you need to get xyz from my vacation home" 5 hours away. I think she'll be a major beneficiary in their wills, but past 5 years have involved substantial "honey do for me" chores and hosting of dinners.


My NMom made hugely inappropriate demands of and horrible accusations towards her only sibling, the executor of their father's (my grandfather's) estate. I know that nmom stole monies from grandfather's bank accounts that were to be shared with her sibling. I also know that nmom stole major chunk of my intended inheritance, but I was too intimidated to complain and simply complied by signing docs that stripped intended inheritance from me.

[Dodo]

thank you for your story daughter, I have not reached out to her again and will not, I spoke with my brother and told him i reached out to her, he said oh she so untech savvy that she probably hasn't even seen the email, he doesn't think she checks and I know that she doesn't email back but if she saw it she can surely read and phone after.  So I'm now hoping she didn't see it as I'm pissed at myself for even trying.  Even when we were on speaking terms I didn't think I'd be in her will as I've always felt like she never liked me anyway!  It was really for my Mom as her and my Aunt were so close but I know my Mom would be on my side about this one as we were closer, when I think about the crap she pulled during and after my Mom passed I'm still furious, I was trying to clear my conscious incase she croaked as she is 88 years old but am fine with it now as there is nothing that would change!