Discovery Documents

[Whiteheron]

Need to vent - I want to get this out while it's fresh in my mind. I spent four hours this afternoon going through the 1000+ pages stbx submitted for supplemental discovery. He's already submitted a stack of documents about 8 inches high...then add this.
What's new is he submitted an additional witness list, that includes several of my friends, my boss, and a good friend's exh (who hits on me every chance he gets - subtly, but clearly leaving the door open  ).

There were numerous photographs, some of which I've mentioned in previous threads (normal household clutter, expired condiments, kids on vacation).

There were text threads. Between him and myself, between DS and him, between MIL and myself. He had made a lot of notations in the margins, but unfortunately most of it was blacked out. Regardless - in the texts between DS and him - he actually admits to having auditory hallucinations. Why is this in there?? How does it help his case? The text between MIL and myself - it shows that she was aware of some of his behaviors and that he kept going off his meds. Again...why include this? How does it benefit him? Then the texts between the two of us - it shows I informed him of events involving the kids - maybe not as promptly as he wanted, but I no longer react immediately when he texts. I just don't get it.

Then came the emails. In quadruplicate. (actually, it all was - photos, texts and emails). I'm sifting through this mess - grocery lists, us moving, things that happened with DS during the day, when I needed stbx to be home to watch DS because I had a doc appt (I was not allowed to use a babysitter). He also included emails where he was the sender and he was touting the joys and greatness of being a dad. But these are just words...he can say whatever he wants to, to whomever he chooses. It doesn't make him a present father, a good father, a caring and loving father. I can write an email telling the world I was riding a sparkly pink unicorn. But I can't point to that as evidence that I did, in fact, ride one.

Then came the emails that dealt with an apparently touchy subject for him. He's been portraying me  to the court and an entitled housewife that wanted for nothing (kindness and compassion would have been nice). I've always wanted to go back to work after having kids. He made some inquiries after our last move, but since DD had just been born, nothing ever came of it.

When I was ready to go back to work, stbx told me I wasn't allowed to because it would "interfere with my home duties." So I told him I would volunteer somewhere part time. His response was to say "no wife of mine is working for free!" His message was loud and clear. Then he mentioned that he was no longer speaking to either contact.

I can't remember if I mentioned this in an affidavit, but I definitely did during my psych eval. And now he can't let it go. He submitted several emails forwarding my resume to people at his company for positions I was clearly not qualified for. So people can see this as him trying, but what they can't see is his campaign to keep me isolated at home. He wouldn't even watch DS so that I could interview (we had just moved across the country and I knew no one). He told me to pretend I was a single mom and that if I really wanted to, I could make it work.

Anyways - here's the kicker. Embedded in this stack of mostly irrelevant emails and photos were two emails dated this year that were to his former secretary and an old contact asking them to jog their memories about how he tried in vain to find me a job when we first moved here. When he allegedly spoke to these people about potentially hiring me, it was over ten years ago! The one has to be a flying monkey as she still works for him - she's agreeing that yes, he wanted me to get out of the house and interact with other people - which couldn't be farther from the truth! This was over ten years ago! I can't remember what I did five minutes ago, yet she can recall, in great detail, a conversation that allegedly took place that long ago? 

I don't get it - is this why he wants to depose me? To grill me about this? How is this relevant to custody?

He also included more excerpts from my journal (even adding a date to one of my entries - as if!), and he included copies of emails I sent to his T (on her request).

I'm not sure how any of this proves he's a fit parent, or that I'm unfit and crazy. It all smells like a pile of...
But this is his MO, it's the PR machine in action - he's been made to look bad by me and will now stop at nothing until I concede, that yes, I wanted to take advantage of him and sit on my entitled a$$ all day while he stressed himself out at work. That the problem is me and not him.

If you got this far, thanks for reading! Have a great weekend!

[Associate of Daniel]

What a nightmare.

I can't comment on all of your post but 2 things come to mind.

First, don't waste any time or energy trying to work out why he sent you the documents that incrimminate him. Consider it a gift. He's done the leg work for you in terms of locating such documents. And he's exposed himself. Use the gift he's given you.

2ndly, the volume of documents he's provided, his slip ups etc will (hopefully) show the court his instability. That will hopefully work against him.

My uNPD ex has started the process for taking me to court for custody of ds12.

I would have thought he'd be on his best behaviour as a result but instead he seems to be getting worse, and in the process is not doing himself any favours.

His behaviour worsens with mediation, holidays, weddings etc..

It's horrible being on the receiving end of his abuse but I take comfort and hope that his behaviour is exposing his true self to the people who need to see it - court psychologists, mediators etc.

Hopefully it will mean that the powers that be will make the right decisions for my ds.

I feel for you. It will be over one day.

Do keep us posted.

AOD

[openskyblue]

 

You don't need to read any of it. This is a ploy — and a poor one. No judge is ever going to read through even a fraction of that. Your lawyer will look through it and likely respond that it's not appropriate, has no bearing. You may want to file a motion that by presenting all this nonsense for discovery, it cost you in needless legal fees. Or just let it go.

[Spygirl]

I am so sorry you have to go thru this.

If there is a brite side, i think alot of people are going to be looking at him wierd.
I think the best weapon for me in my divorce was Gray rock. While my stbxh was crying, gaslighting, takings shots at me, intoxicated, late constantly, lying about finacial struggle after giving his financials to the lawyer.

I was polite, quiet unless i had a relevent question, early, and non accusatory. It worked wonders.

[hhaw]

WH:

My stbx had the same line.... he portrayed me as entitled, wanted me to work, was overtly focused on what was "fair" and what he wanted me to have in the divorce, and sent box after box of documents that weren't relevant. 

From here.... it looks like your stbx has you focused on things the court won't care much about.  I don't think they care much about husbands isolating wives, honestly. 

I don't think the courts care much about "conversations" had 10 years ago either.... particularly when it's about nothing.

You stay focused on your evidence,  and how you'll respond to your stbx's arguments in court.  He's thrown a lot out there, but you should resist spinning, if you can help it. 

BTW, seems to me much of his "evidence" works against him, not for him.  Avoid rabbit holes.  Don't argue about small things.  You're Judge will likely want BIG PICTURE arguments, and resent everything else. 

Nobody cares if your stbx sent your resume around.  Being a stay at home mom isn't a life of luxury.  It's a job too.... stbx wants to portray you a certain way...... who cares?  That's divorce court, and stbx doesn't have a lot of relevant evidence to back him up. 

Remember to be present with your children during this time.  You won't ever get these days back, and you don't want to regret missing out on time with your children. 

[Kat54]

Truthfully all I can say is WOW! I thought my divorce was bad. I couldn't even finish reading through the whole post. My prayers and thoughts are so with you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
Please stay positive and take good care of yourself.

[Whiteheron]

But wait! There was more! There was an additional 1000+ page document submitted online, which was supposed to match what was sent in the mail, but didn't. So I had the pleasure of going through that one as well. Thankfully, it was also in triplicate (or quadruplicate, depending on the email thread). He's officially off his rocker. It literally shows nothing. If his plan is to confuse me, I'd say mission accomplished. Is his plan was to bury me with his "evidence", I'm not impressed. There's nothing there. And there won't be, because I did my best to be a supportive wife and a good mom. Why did I doubt myself?

One thing that actually made me laugh - his comment for the expired condiments photos (paraphrased): "I've discarded food that was several years old as whiteheron was creating a health hazard by keeping these items near edible food."