tips for coping with ghosting

[Poison Ivy]

My ex-husband has a long (beginning during our marriage) pattern of not communicating with me.  Now that we're divorced, I realize that this mostly is on me to figure out how to cope with emotionally. But does anyone have tips for situations when I really do need to convey information to him? He never changed his mailing address and so far I've dealt with important mail on a case-by-case basis.  For example, after the fifth or sixth thick envelope from the state department of revenue, I put the envelope into a bigger envelope and sent it back to the DOR, with a sticky note indicating ex-h's current address.  What is my moral obligation if an emergency occurs, such as something happening to one of our daughters?  Leave one voicemail and then it's on him? Or call someone in his family?

Thank you very much for this forum and for the understanding and support people provide here.  I feel very grateful.   

[Jsinjin]

No expert at all but I can understand what you are talking about.

With regard to the financial and legal documents I would recommend unfortunately that the use of registered mail be employed by you.   I realize it's his problem but being potentially harassed by someone over lost financial or legal documents is a headache you don't want.    As things come into your care that need to make it to him I would collect them a s mail them with signature required.

On the subject of emergencies, it's important that a parent with any custody be accessible for emergencies.   I would use very non confrontational language to state that you and the schools and emergency contact number groups for your child need to know what number he will answer and where to leave messages.    State that you will be calling that number or email or text in case of an emergency or issue with your child and you have to know that this is the correct number.

Best advice I have at the moment.   Stay strong.

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you.  I must clarify:  our children are adults.  So the issues aren't the same as they would be if they were minors.  But stuff (illnesses, accidents) could happen, as they could with anyone.  It's frustrating because although my ex might listen to his voicemails and read his emails, I just don't know if he does. So on the rare occasions when he does communicate with me and I've been able to say, "I don't know if you get my messages," he always says that he gets them and listens to or reads them, but I don't believe him. 

It just occurred to me that I could plan to call his parents' priest if something happens.  The priest or someone from the church does visit them (ex lives with his parents and is their caregiver) and could be trusted to relay an important message.

Thanks again to this forum for being a place where I can share my experiences and ask questions that I'm embarrassed and ashamed to ask people who know me personally.

[Associate of Daniel]

I think there are programs you can install on your email that tell you when/whether the recipient read it.

I'm afraid I know nothing more than that and it's probably not hugely helpful cos he'll probably keep ghosting you anyway.

AOD

[clara]

Keep in mind that PDs often use ghosting as a power move.  They want you to come to them so they can ignore you, reject you etc.  They know you'll keep trying.  They enjoy that sense of control and of making you jump through hoops.