Healthier mentality

[miffyxo]

Hey all,

So I went no contact with my NPD parents about two and a half months ago and gradually with ongoing reading about trauma responses, sustained no contact, using the forum and a 12 step programme I'm in I'm finding my mentality so much healthier!

The first month was emotionally draining and I still get drained but today I noticed something that actually shocked me because I did it subconsciously. I looked in the mirror and had a brief thought of oof I don't look my best today (been slightly under the weather today and yesterday). Instead of wanting to hide and obsessively putting on extra makeup etc that I'd normally do in my head I just went "girl you're not feeling great today, don't worry about it". Then I realised what I'd thought and was like seriously wtf. It seems so weird to a lot of people I guess but to me it was huge, I've been trying to reparent myself but today I did it subconsciously.

I also noticed my relationships with people are improving HUGELY. My inner critic of omg you're not good enough to be speaking to people and "oh why are people so judgemental" is slowly disappearing and I'm starting to assume good intent in people and shrugging it off more when I can't. It seems to be making me more successful at work and also way better social interactions and friendships developing. I now can't believe how negative my inner critic was but as soon as I realised it came from my parents and did work to lessen it I'm actually seeing real changes.

Weirdly my health also seems to be better - I haven't had a cold in a while and I'm finding I can sleep less or get a bad nights sleep but still have lots of energy the next day. I'm also not beating myself up every time I make a mistake or say the wrong thing, I just think oh well it's a way to learn for next time.

I'd be very interested in hearing if other people have had similar and how it's helped them, and whether it's quite common to have had the NPD impact your personality so much that you thought it was normal to self doubt your entire life then find your whole mentality start to change and maybe some tips on what you did to help also.

Thanks for reading

[notrightinthehead]

Congratulations! You are doing good, keep going. In addition to what you are doing already, you could check out positive affirmations on YouTube and listen to one or several you like. I listen when I do housework. It times how long I do chores and seems to work for me.

[Boat Babe]

Way to go!

It's interesting to see how quickly a person can start to bounce back once they are not being actively abused. This is why I'm a vocal advocate for getting the hell away from abusive parents, spouses, bosses etc if at all humanly possible.

Thanks for posting Miffy and all the best to you in your recovery and healing journey.

[Happypants]

Thanks for posting this.  Not only is it encouraging for us who haven't made the leap into nc,  I hope you come back and read it for yourself regularly to reinforce your decision. Congratulations on thriving and living how you're meant to live x

[Hilltop]

Hey Miffy I too went NC with uNPD parents about a month and half ago.  I have felt more clarity, more energy and more confidence since then.  I read what you wrote and was nodding along with what you had written.

In my personal time I am around caring, loving, warm people who leave me feeling uplifted rather than dragged down. As I have more energy I am more willing to go out and spend more time with people.  Before I hid myself away a bit as I felt I needed so much space to deal with the emotional baggage.

With more clarity I can look at when certain situations leave me feeling a little off and I can see the fleas left behind such as people pleasing tendencies or getting too drawn in to stuff at work.  I don't beat myself up about it anymore though. I now try to slow myself down, not get involved in certain conversations at work, I take a breathe and just listen more.  There are a few negative critical people at work but now I leave their stuff with them and don't take it personally.

I am enjoying my hobbies and interests more as no one is around mocking me. I just feel lighter.  For me it has been a massive change to my mental outlook. I am glad you are finding the same thing as well.