Same as it ever was

[Liketheducks]

Family is HARD.   Nothing new, or dramatic.   Just hard.   A cousin is going to stay with us overnight as she passes through town on an overnight trip.   I know she hasn't seen my mother in quite some time, so I invited mom to join us for dinner.   Mom doesn't phone us (that's the child's job) and then when I do phone ends the call complaining that I don't phone.   After asking pointed questions about the state of my marriage.   Then sends me screen shots of Lousie Hay quotes about letting go of resentments.   Honestly, I felt like texting back "how's that working out for you, mom?".  But, being honest just doesn't work with her.   I just have to grit my teeth and say whatever can be said to strategically move forward.   While listening to her complain that we don't have the relationship we used to.   Because, I'm no longer the same person.  I don't get vulnerable anymore because it is turned against me.   
I'm actually staying with my BFF and HER parents at the moment.  Her mom has dementia.   And, we're helping out.  I'm making meals for the freezer, etc.   She and her mom do NOT get along.   It's obvious that my BFF is her scape goat.  It's so hard to watch.   Makes me wonder if I have it in me to handle this as well as BFF when my mother reaches that point.   

[Cat of the Canals]

Then sends me screen shots of Lousie Hay quotes about letting go of resentments.   Honestly, I felt like texting back "how's that working out for you, mom?".

Lol. 

My mom already tried to trick me into being her default nursemaid by making me get a degree in nursing. And I've spent the last almost twenty years letting my skills get rusty.    Not to mention moving a safe distance away. My nursing days are behind me. Sorry, not sorry.

[feralcat]

So interesting a fact, Cat.
Apart from one brother all 6 of us siblings have been in the caring professions at one time or another. Nurses, physiotherapists, youth workers, social worker (me). And subsequently some of their children.  I left that 20 years ago ( although I did later on move into educational support. So hard to beat the conditioning).
Now my unPdM sees everyone as her own special support service. After she fell, hurt her back and ended up in hospital for a couple of weeks, she was telling everyone that she'd have xyz of family members arranging her discharge home, providing physiotherapist and care services. Desperate to leave the presumably uncontrollable arena of the ward.

Instead she was ejected early for bad behaviour ( seriously) and now is complaining ferociously about the ( superb) follow up care. And wants to move into a care home (oh yeah . Like to see that) because she's soooooo anxious .


So, Ducks, I feel for you. And your BFF.
Family IS hard. And watching another person going through the scapegoat carer thing is triggering.
Have you ever talked to her about FOG, waved one of the relevant books at her ? I recommend Nice Girl Syndrome for starters.