Help get over being discarded for old supply

[mb1400]

Please help me cope with the pain of the discard from the man I thought loved me like no other in the world, and now, after 1 month, is showing the world how good are things with other supply. My brain has still not processed it all, since there were so many returns, many hoovers, it never felt like it was over, now, after the last and worst discard he is throwing her on my face like I never existed. I want to stop suffering for him, i want my brain to give me a break, I want to let go e stop waiting for a miracle to happen. It is so difficult, as, although he broke it off so many times, devaluation was never verbalized until the very last days. It was just cycles of love bombing and discard, over and over again, accompanied by his crocodile tearsand lies, Ihave not realized the real horror until the very last days. It's been over for a month and part of me is still in shock, still feel to be the women he loved so madly, while he is throwing his now relationship on socials. Help me get Out of the FOG and move on, as he already did.

[Samuel S.]

I am so very sorry for the pain that he has caused you! That is absolutely horrible! You are a sincere, dedicated person to him, and he discards you. Again, that is absolutely horrible! I am glad you have this website to vent. Do you have people to whom you can talk?

PDs have a horrible way about themselves. They don't know or don't want to get close after a while. My PDw pretended (that's her word) to be kind, loving, saying my first family never loved me and that she loved me. She was pretty convincing. Then, we got married, and, slowly but surely, she was being very abusive emotionally with me. Now, she does the bare minimum by cooking. Otherwise, she focuses on her work and her studies, and that's it.

So, while your and my circumstances are different, we both have been discarded. I see a T. I focus on helping others, although I am an active listener with her which she needs, but we haven't even gone out on a date in a couple of years. I am stuck in limbo, not knowing what to do.

All I can suggest to you is to do those things that take care of you and that you enjoy.

Big hugs to you!

[1footouttadefog]

The cycles.  The discard.  It all hurts.

I think the way they can flip a switch and it's all over whether over an argument, a mood swing or a big fight or in your case the breakup,  it is so frustrating and unsettling that they just move on.

It confirms it was never what we thought to begin with.

I  sorry you wer lied to and endured the cycles, I am glad you are now free and on a path toward dealing with this.  I hope you will be able to take the lessons with you into the fitire.

[mb1400]

I am so very sorry for the pain that he has caused you! That is absolutely horrible! You are a sincere, dedicated person to him, and he discards you. Again, that is absolutely horrible! I am glad you have this website to vent. Do you have people to whom you can talk?

PDs have a horrible way about themselves. They don't know or don't want to get close after a while. My PDw pretended (that's her word) to be kind, loving, saying my first family never loved me and that she loved me. She was pretty convincing. Then, we got married, and, slowly but surely, she was being very abusive emotionally with me. Now, she does the bare minimum by cooking. Otherwise, she focuses on her work and her studies, and that's it.

So, while your and my circumstances are different, we both have been discarded. I see a T. I focus on helping others, although I am an active listener with her which she needs, but we haven't even gone out on a date in a couple of years. I am stuck in limbo, not knowing what to do.

All I can suggest to you is to do those things that take care of you and that you enjoy.

Big hugs to you!

That is what I am trying to do, but I was so conditioned to believe he loved me and by his intermitting reinforcements, that I am in a state of cognitive dissonance. In the bad days, my rationality is weaker and I find myself using 100% of my brain thinking about it and what I could have done differently, missing the fake persona he was with me at the beginning. This man isulted me, disrespected me, treated me like trash and then came back several times for more abuse. I let him do that. That is the horryfing thing, and I still love him and crave for him to return. I am going mad and losing self esteem. I don't want to be this weak. I hope that this forum will help me connect with people who went through the same thing and help me talking it through. I have no one who understand it, no one of my friends understand this type of pain. I am generally quite on my own, used to take care for myself and my own problems, as I have been travelling my whole life and always lived abroad. My friends are used to see me as a strong person, but in this case I am not, they don't offer much comfort. It is not the first abusive relationship I am in, this is why I am seeking therapy counselling. I will start this Tuesday. I can't wait.

[mb1400]

The cycles.  The discard.  It all hurts.

I think the way they can flip a switch and it's all over whether over an argument, a mood swing or a big fight or in your case the breakup,  it is so frustrating and unsettling that they just move on.

It confirms it was never what we thought to begin with.

I  sorry you wer lied to and endured the cycles, I am glad you are now free and on a path toward dealing with this.  I hope you will be able to take the lessons with you into the fitire.

Thank you so much, although the recovery path is endless, it is a roller coaster of emotions, just like my relationship. It feels like I am still abused by my own head. Some days feel better, some others like I went NC just yesterday.

[KFel024]

Dear mb1400,

Unfortunately, that is the reality of so many of our situations.  The truth hurts, badly.  I can attest from personal experience.  It sounds like the other person's intentions were not pure of heart.  The best thing you can do is likely to move on and forget about them altogether if possible.  Somebody who truly cares for you would not treat you like that.  There are many people out there with good hearts/intentions.  Please do your best to get back out there and find one, while at the same time being extra vigilant with protecting your own heart.  You can do better.  It may take time, but it is likely better than the alternative (i.e. being someone else's toy or doormat).

Take care and good luck.

[shack.3]

Hi mb1400
Just wanted to tell you i relate very much and offer  a token of empathy to you .
Mine has an ex who has been in his life for many years and who he would not cut off contact with.That person,according to him was only a "friend" that just hsppens to run around after him and from what i can tell ,tolerates a whole heap of crap.
They continued to behave like a married couple.
At first i tolerated them because i loved him and didn't want to make demands or seem unreasonable by trying to interfear on their "friendship"  but then as our relationship progressed and he still wouldn't let go fully, i became more resentful.
Of course i was made to feel "wrong" for feeling this way.(roll eyes) when they spent new yrs together while i was stuck miles away on my own this was the thin end of the wedge for me.
I was again made to feel as though i was wrong for being remotely hurt by this.
As the days since the discard roll by ,the more i see that they are more than welcome to each other.
Im glad i managed to end the cycle for myself otherwise there would have been an unlikely but still small chance i could have ended up just like her .
No thanks !
Believe me ,your ex will be busy feasting on his fresh blood now
Draining the life out of them too.
Poor them.
Meanwhile although its hard to see right now .We are free to explore why we do this shit to ourselves and change it .
I think we just have to allow ourselves to feel the pain for however long it takes and try to focus on ourselves and not what or who they are doing or what they are thinking about etc.
It is us that need to heal the need inside of ourselves that idealises and tolerates this shitty kind of behaviour from others.
Just as much as they are disgusting for how they behave ,We also need to take responsibility  for who we choose.
Because quite frankly they will never ever truly take responsibility for anything.
Wishing you a speedy recovery x

[sad_dog_mommy]

My exBPDbf met and married someone not too long after our breakup.  I coped by thinking about all the horrible things he did.  For instance he would get drunk and smash things like light switch plates in anger.   Was he suddenly cured by this new found love or was it only a matter of time before he did those things in front of her?   He wasn't a jerk when I met him, he morphed into that guy as time went on.   And if I am honest with myself he got worse with time.  The anger was meaner and there was a shorter time between good behavior and bad.   I kept reminding myself that this pattern or cycle of behavior would not go away magically just because she married him.   

Someone with a personality disorder will probably never find the motivation and energy needed to seek help (cure?) and will probably cycle through many partners with no lasting (real) connection. 

I know the breakup pain is new but one day you will surprise yourself when you realize you are lucky he isn't a part of your life anymore.  You deserve the kind of love you give to other people. 

[iamthefire]

Look into trauma bonds. This is why you crave that person. I think trauma bonds are one of the hardest things to tackle. I have read it can take 18 to 24 months for your body chemicals to return to normal.