Annoyed with questions about X

[Free2Bme]

I'm 6 hard years out from divorcing malignant Nxh. 

I occasionally encounter people (friends/family/aquaint) who ask, "So, how's it going with updhx now, are you guys on better terms and able to co-parent, blah,blah,blah....".

I used to try to either dodge or explain why I am total NC with him.  I am much stronger now and it kinda makes me mad, as if the passage of time changes the dynamics of the relationship. 

I realize that people just don't get it and are genuinely well-intentioned, however others ask (I believe) because they have a need to think that "things are better now with Free2Bme and updxh now that everyone has settled down". 


I typically say, "No, I don't communicate with xh."  Sometimes I want to say more, but that gets really complicated.

I have come so far, moved forward, and rarely even think of such things, only to have to revisit it.

Why is this getting to me?

[Audacity]

Hi Free2BMe
I understand you in some respects. I am only beginning my separation and am frustrated with people who want to know. But for me my ex is very good at her outward appearance to others. She has and continues to manage her persona very well so for me it is the same. I want to tell them the truth. That at times I am scared shitless of her and what she is capable of, as well as what she puts my kids through.
But there is no point. I keep my mouth shut and don't engage. I just say I don't know or all good. I don't see the point in wasting my energy and upsetting myself.
My kids and immediate family matter.
Yes frustrating is the word. But self preservation and sanity is my focus. Plus I am concerned with what could happen in retaliation if a questioning person feels the need to share my insights. .

[hhaw]

Free:

When you meet new people, is there any anxiety around the getting to know you question and answer phase?

[JustKeepTrying]

I haven't faced this yet but I know for myself, these questions would be triggery.  Plus they are insensitive and intrusive.  You owe these people nothing.  I would begin to feel defensive if someone asked me this - but in my head I would be screaming "what is the point of your questions?"

My sis in law lives in the southern us - and she does this thing which I had seen on TV recently - but I saw her employ it years ago - she smiles this crocodile smile and says "Well, bless your heart for thinking of me." and then changes the conversation.  It is the most passive aggressive behavior dressed in a smile I had ever seen and I wanted to just applaud her.  (Someone asked her if her son was still in therapy)

I would hope that I could dig into my inner southern belle and do the same.

[losingmyself]

I get that, too
"So, what's XH doing now? Where does he work? Does he still live xyz?"
I honestly couldn't give one iota of a crap, and I don't really want to talk about him.
I always get kind of a surprised look, too, like they can't understand that I don't know these things.
My kids are grown, I don't know and I don't care.