God's strong comfort

[Mary]

I was deep into the punishment phase of setting a boundary recently. The drama has been high, but I have been able to stand my ground using noJADE etc.

I spent some time alone with God, and told Him how badly I needed comfort. I hardly knew what to pray for but I told Him I would not let go until He blessed me. Then I opened my Bible intending to continue the chapter I am reading through. But this is what my eyes fell on first.

I, even I, am he that comforteth you: who art thou, that thou shouldest be afraid of a man that shall die, and of the son of man which shall be made as grass;
Isaiah 51:12 KJV

I took so much comfort from this, and marching orders too. I need to quit being afraid of the threats and trust God to take care of me. I will continue the next steps in setting some really big boundaries and preparing for what I will do in response to the threats knowing that I am being sheltered by an almighty hand.

I hugged my Bible so tightly that night...

[Adria]

Thank you for sharing Mary,

I'm in the crux of it right now too.  Some days I feel I may totally fall apart. I needed your encouraging words today along with God's.  Man sometimes you just can't believe how hard it can get, and it feels like no end in sight.

I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs, Adria

[Mary]

Thank you so much Adria. I prayed for you too tonight and for us all on this forum to take courage to do what is right in our own circumstances.
Mary

[bloomie]

Mary - my heart is with you as you take shelter in God's love for you and compassion for you. Incredibly powerful and encouraging to read this reminder that God is who we place our hope and trust in, not a person who will fade away.

Praying for strength and focus for the journey ahead for us all!

[Dandelion]

Thank you so much for your words, Mary and the words that followed. So moving, and a reminder of Gods love and the power of prayer 🙏 . 

[1footouttadefog]

How awesome when the word of God comes to us in such a real way.

I am glad you have His comfort.

There are times when I feel so distanced or numb I just don't feel God.  I merely have to be obedient with my head knowledge and not because I am "feeling it".  It is the remembering of experiences  like what you described that help me to remain faithful.

I understand that my feelings about what I am going through do not change God or His word.

[tragedy or hope]

How comforting for all of us.
Would love to hear of your progress and how you set and achieve your boundaries. Your experience with the Lord was such a blessing for us. Thank you for that vulnerable sharing of your walk.

[Mary]

Hi T/H,
Okay, I can do that. Here's some background. Back in November, I attended a wedding at the church uPDh had made our family leave several years ago. I still associate with the people, and went to the wedding despite his disappointment that I would go. So often, I have stayed home from events like this, and I decided life is too short. I need to do some things like this for my own enjoyment, and to keep from being isolated from my friends.  So I set a boundary to go to events at that church whether he wanted to or not (within reason).

After I returned home, DH told me if I ever did anything like that again, he would file for divorce.  He also stopped letting me attend (the new) church with our family. He would take the kids and go, and would not let me go. He lied to the kids about why I was not accompanying the family on Sunday am's.  It went on for several months.

I must be a glutton for punishment, because at the time I wrote the post in late February, I set another boundary. DH was pushing me to sell our house, but I did not agree on all of the particulars. We could not have a peaceful conversation about it without getting derailed into yada yada yada 20 years ago, etc. I insisted that we needed a third person in the room to discuss it further. I also would get up and walk off if the conversation got nasty.

Again, more silent treatment, more not letting me go to church with the family, threats to sell the house and live on a sailboat, etc.

He decided I needed to see a marriage counselor, and we went to a Biblical counselor at the new church because it was free. This was the third person in the room I needed, and I was able to lay out and reiterate several boundaries in front of her (ie. walking away if the conversation got out of hand). She was not trained in dealing with PD's, so the sessions were really, really hard. In spite of this, several boundaries seemed to cement. For example, I now regularly go to events at our former church, and he expects it. Living on a sailboat is not in the conversations anymore (after maybe 2 years of hearing about it), and we are having regular, productive conversations about where to live.

The last boundary involved his demanding that I cut off four of my friends. The marriage counselor was completely off on this one as she said my husband is the most important, so cut them off. She later redacted this, but not before I had my first even panic attack over it. The good news is that I realized her advice was wrong, and after a couple of weeks said no, in the most compassionate way I could. See Leslie Vernick's The Emotionally Destructive Marriage on this-- e.g.--"I know you are concerned and really want me to cut off my four friends, but I cannot do that." He threatened a bunch of really rotten stuff, but by the next day backed way off. It is so freeing to no longer feel obligated to isolate from people that he decides to not like. And I had to get enough backbone to say no to the marriage counselor as well.

Now that we are in the newness/excitement of selling the house and moving, a lot of the nastiness has dissipated. It is a big relief, even though I know it is part of a cycle. Still, a number of boundaries have been established, and I am enjoying them being in place. Praise God for carrying me through that valley, and thanks to everyone who prayed me through it.

Mary

[Mary]

Thank you for sharing Mary,

I'm in the crux of it right now too.  Some days I feel I may totally fall apart. I needed your encouraging words today along with God's.  Man sometimes you just can't believe how hard it can get, and it feels like no end in sight.

I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs, Adria

Hi Adria,
How's it going? Have things gotten better? Praying for you.
Sincerely,
Mary