Am I over thinking this

[NotFooled]

I recently went to a party and ran into a room mate I had over 25 years ago.  Him, my late husband and I were all roommates.  It was a small cramped place and the situation became somewhat toxic overtime although there were some good times also.  We were allot younger and far more immature in those days.  But we really hadn't spoke much since my then boyfriend and I moved out and the last time I saw the roommate was at my husband then boyfriends funeral.  I've since remarried to wonderful man but when we got engaged our group of friends pretty much turned on us because they couldn't emotionally deal with DH and I getting married.

It was nice to see him and his wife again and I really enjoyed talking with them.  So at first I felt excited to find out they lived near us and thought about asking them over since DH and I don't have very many couple friends.  But then I started to think about all the negative times that I had with this roommate. 

Since the history I've had with our previous friends and recent health issues,  I find  making an effort into new friendships difficult.  But at some point I have to make an effort.  I was wondering what others thought? 

[Hazy111]

Hi Kieveen, ( i think youve answered your question) but my 2 penneth anyway.

I sort of posted a similar post, about meeting up with people i used to be friends with way back in my 20s. I was immature very insecure and probably lonely. I put up with a lot of S**T , just so to remain friends. I dont have to do that. We did have some good times and some laughs, but and its a  big BUT .

I think we can edit out the bad stuff and the thought of meeting up with them seemed a good idea (but i was a bit drunk when i agreed).  The next day as the day drew closer, i became increasingly anxious and then angry. I started to remember stuff that used to go on, i had suppressed it. 

With the stuff i had learnt about PD subsequently , i worked out how the group dynamic had worked and it sounded like it hadnt changed. Dominant Narc surrounded by insecure enablers.

Ask yourself, do people really change? Especially PD. Will it be better this time? If they are PD, the charm will soon drop  and that side in them that you didnt like will probably reemerge . Then you have to extricate yourself.

Do "friends" turn on their "friends" ? No of course not. It was toxic. They were your "friends" as long as you conformed to the role they had assigned you.

I know its hard, but its better to acquire new nicer friends than go back to ones who wont be good for us.

My body was telling me no, dont meet up with them. So i didnt.