She knowingly exposed me to covid

[ShyTurtle]

Hindsight is 20/20. The red flags were always there. The subtle lies and manipulation, the weird and random gifting, her excessive selfies (often featuring duck lips.)

A few weeks ago, this person who happens to work in a long term care home invited me over. I had been holding off seeing her during Christmas since I was determined to protect my family members. I knew in my guts that I would be taking a chance with her so I held out until the new year. After I arrived at her home, she made me tea, and stated that there was a suspected outbreak at her workplace and that she didn't want to tell me because then I wouldn't have come over. Damn right I wouldn't have! I should add that my husband died weeks ago and I'm grieving. Getting sick is the last thing I need.

Before I leave she packs a bunch of random items from around her house (tea, small house plants, detox foot pads) and gifts them to me. It feels like she is buying votes from me. She insists that I take these things and I leave feeling very unsettled.

Fast forward a week and her husband tests positive and I get sick. I message her a couple of days later to tell her that I am sick. That's when she finally tells me about her husband's positive covid test.

I feel so violated. I also decided that I don't want her in my life anymore. I can't trust her.

Looking back, she has always acted like she is trying to get attention and approval from me. She also manipulates through frequent lies and deception.

I've had enough of her.

[Starboard Song]

Turtle!

First, I am so sorry to hear of your own loss. I'd been watching, but missed your post when you shared that with us. You had a very hard year, you deserved much better, and my heart breaks for you.

As for this current situation, COVID is presenting even a lot of non-PD folks with significant interpersonal challenges. We don't normally have this conflict when two people approach a matter differently: it doesn't usually effect those around us. So people who are selfish and unempathetic are very very challenged and challenging right now. I am sorry you got the short end of yet another stick.

In the aftermath of your recent loss, you may find two contradictory needs. On one hand, now more than ever you deserve to focus on yourself with little drama and noise. On the other, it is critical that you not over prune. A large part of our support network is comprised of the minor friends and acquaintances we have, flawed and imperfect as they are. So while this woman sounds damaging, and you are probably right to want to wash your hands of her, keep an eye out that you only prune the truly bad apples.

I hope your infection is mild and moves on. I wish you a winter of peace and reflection, and all the strength you'll need in 2022.

[ShyTurtle]

In the aftermath of your recent loss, you may find two contradictory needs. On one hand, now more than ever you deserve to focus on yourself with little drama and noise. On the other, it is critical that you not over prune. A large part of our support network is comprised of the minor friends and acquaintances we have, flawed and imperfect as they are. So this woman sounds damaging, and you are probably right to want to wash your hands of her, keep an eye out that you only prune the truly bad apples.

Thanks so much for this sound advice, Starboard Song!

[moglow]

I'd have a problem with this too. Who knows when or where any of us may be exposed, but to intentionally say nothing because she knew your response? In that situation a prudent person would wait. They'd tell you straight up about the suspected outbreak and "I hate to do this but we need to wait a few weeks to get together."

So people who are selfish and unempathetic are very very challenged and challenging right now.

Aren't they though?! To say nothing and take that choice out of your hands smacks of selfishness to me. I wouldn't necessarily end a friendship over it but I'd probably take a step or two back.

[Amadahy]

Oh, Turtle! I am sorry, for your husband's passing and for this breach of trust.  This would be a deal-breaker for me.

Do you consider this person a good friend?  She sounds like she's trying to buy your friendship with little gifts, or at least guilt you into being her friend.  This is in itself not healthy. 

In any case, I am very sorry.  I hope you fare well. 

[Hattie]

This is horrendous. I had a similar situation a few years ago when my ex partner and some of his disordered friends knowingly exposed me to norovirus without telling me. They asked me to babysit the friends' kid, but I didn't know they had all been sick until I got to the house and it stank of vomit. I got terribly ill, probably the illest I have ever been with a vomiting bug. I never forgave the "friends" and they are no longer part of my life. It was too much of a violation of my trust.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's passing. I can totally see that this is not what you needed on top of that