Two years out

[Hattie]

Today it is two years since my B/NPDx left. Tomorrow will be Valentine's day: my own personal independence day

Don't feel like writing a long post right now, but I just wanted to mark the occasion.

I am glad to be out. I look back and can't believe the crap I put up with.

It hasn't been easy but I am healing.

Have a good Valentine's Day, folks. Love yourself and everything else will follow. Xxx

[Poison Ivy]

Congratulations on reaching this milestone, Hattie!

[Crushed_Dad]

My exes own self loathing ensured that every Valentines Day was a reason for an argument. Not sure if any of the roses I bought over the years didn't end up in the bin on the day itself.

[sparrow2]

Congrats for being out! Happy valentines day

[Blackbird11]

 

There's hope! Sometimes they leave?!

[clara]

"Love yourself and everything else will follow" are extremely wise words to live by, Hattie.  It really IS that simple, but at the same time can be one of the most difficult to follow (and believe) because so many of us are taught to love others even when they abuse us, but to never love ourselves because we're just not worth it (and therefore not lovable).  My uNPDexh would regard all holidays or special occasions as times to remind me how lucky I was to have him, because no one else would put up with me, and how dare I expect him to do anything special for me because wasn't him just putting up with me enough?  Valentine's day was especially painful, because I knew he'd spend it with his friends and not with me, and think nothing of leaving me at home by myself, because that was the routine of our lives and not even Valentine's Day was going to change it.  I had no experience with being treated decently until after I left him (certainly my parents never raised me to expect anything better) and it was a revelation.  Took a long time to love myself, and I'm still not completely there, but I have learned to respect myself and to value myself despite what someone else might say or do, and that's part of that road, as well.    to you and all of us!

[Spygirl]

Very happy to hear that all is well! I remeber your story.

[Hattie]

Thank you for all your messages, guys.

I hope Valentine's day was OK for all of you. Yes, I too had some fairly rotten Valentine 's whilst with the ex.

I got through the anniversary of him leaving on 13th ok. I discussed all my feelings about it with my therapist, which helped. Then on 14th/Valentine's, I went to a really nice party with about 15 of my friends. Some couples, some single people. We went to a cool outdoor bar with a firepit. It was very memorable as it was blowing a gale outside but we had a great time anyway. I felt there was a lot of love in the air, albeit platonic, but it was really nice.

Then I got stood up by a couple of internet dates over the weekend, which was a bit of a buzz kill, but that 's another story  .

It is sort of hard to know how to handle these anniversaries, but it went fairly well.

[ploughthrough2021]

Thanks for posting. I'm just beginning to try to get out of my abusive 25 years of marriage. Reading your post is giving me hope.

[2nice]

Yay Hattie! We escaped at the same time. And here we are. Bigger and better!! Time goes so fast and I feel I get stronger all the time. What a journey

[Hattie]

Hey guys, see post above! I actually just got to my three year anniversary! 

Ploughthrough-25 years is a long time and you have done really well to finally escape. Keep on keeping on. If you can stay out, things are bound to get better xx

2nice- so nice to hear from you! I am glad to hear you are doing well also. We did really well, didn't we? Seems like a lifetime ago in a way, so much has changed. Bigger and better is a good way to describe it... we can finally take up space