My gut

[Lauren17]

I'm a firm believer in "trust your gut." 
Experience shows that some of the people who have treated me the worst are ones where I ignored that stomach pinch in first meeting them.
As I work on my self healing, I'm seeing how the decades of my marriage have affected me. And I'm not sure my "gut instincts" are working anymore.
So, what to do when you don't think you can "trust your gut"?
(I've seen this question posted before, but can't find it. I'd like to read if someone has the link)

[SparkStillLit]

This is interesting to me, because in doing some similar work on myself, I feel like I have "overridden" mine. Either with excessive negative talk that isn't real gut instinct, or conversely I have learned to tamp it down and ignore it so I can't even hear it. Like my rear is completely out in the wind.

[tragedy or hope]

I think there is spiritual aspect to the gut feeling.

I am most aware when I take care of my spiritual well-being as I do not believe God lies, when I ask things get clearer.

[Spring Butterfly]

This past week I started a blog series on fear and someone recommended "the gift of fear" — some parts of it are a difficult listen but it's amazing and spot on. So needed for so many of us here. The author mentions intuition always arises in response to some thing and always has our best interest at heart. We waste far too much time suppressing our gut instinct and I'm just now on the chapter about how to tune in and learn to communicate with yourself better. I have extremely sharp intuition and gut instinct when it comes to so many things but suppressed it when it came to family relationships. J no it anymore but the book really hits it so much better than I can explain and I highly recommend it And I think it's in the book recommendations to if you want to read from others

[Andeza]

I have seen this too, but over the course of a decade have learned to listen to my gut once more. I also take cues from those who's gut instinct is reliable, or otherwise not tainted by experience with pwPDs. This may sound odd, but DS (who is only 2!) has his father's excellent gut instinct regarding people. He sees things I cannot, and so I'm inclined to trust the gut instincts and first impressions of my 2 year old because he has a more pure baseline from which to operate. Usually, within five minutes of interaction with the questionable individual, I start to feel it too. But he's on to it almost instantly and it takes me a minute.

Tragedy or hope, we are also keyed into the additional spiritual aspect. DH is keyed into it extremely acutely, to the point of not even needing to talk to people. He can just tell. His PD radar is exceptional and has saved us trouble more than once.

[Lauren17]

Thank you for the responses. I'll check out The Gift of Fear.
I'm also rethinking my question a little. This is what brought it up.
We had activities one day that meant I would spend the day helping YA daughter and uBPDh would spend the day taking younger DD to her activities. When talking about this, DD said "I'm stuck with Dad?!" He laughed it off as a joke.
I followed up with her later and asked about it. She said she was just teasing her dad. I didn't believe her. Then I thought maybe I'm projecting what I want to happen (that DD will pick me to live with when I finally start divorce proceedings).
Maybe what I think is my gut is actually learned reactions from the emotional abuse?

[SparkStillLit]

I'd be wondering, too. I think that's a very valid question.
Maybe we *should* give that a read, see if it helps tune in better.
Or some other exercises? I just know I'd be asking myself those same questions.

[Boat Babe]

I think your gut always knows what's going on.  It's our brain that has learned to ignore/overuse the signals over many years that needs reprogramming.  Mindfulness meditation is key for this imo, backed up with some guidance from a therapist if possible.

On the subject of the gut, I am learning a lot about the gut biome atm (it's become a bit fashionable!) We can improve our health, both physical and mental, by attending to our gut flora through eating the right foods. Fascinating and very doable.

[Spring Butterfly]

That would raise my antennae also

[Lauren17]

I've started reading The Gift of Fear. It's a book best taken in small  doses. Lots of  sadness in there.
I checked in with YA on DDs response to spending the day with dad. She immediately said she thinks DD was serious. We talked about why that might be. The answer was that dad is never home and when he is, ignores everyone.
I don't have any fear for DDs physical safety. My concern is for her emotional well-being. 

[Spring Butterfly]

Trust that feeling

[1footouttadefog]

I think taking things slow is a great tool.  It buys you time to feel and think about a person.

Also, I notice that PC thought can at times try to over-ride my gut instincts.  I might feel uncomfortable around someone or that I should not trust them, yet my mind will think thoughts like maybe I feel this way because of how they are dressed, shaped, tattooed, voice, etc etc etc.

I have to remind myself that I don't typically have race, religious, ethnic, or demographic based Intolerances or judgements and to listen to my instincts.

It's okay to limit contact or involvement, no one is entitled to more than what we are comfortable with whether it's a retail transaction, interactions in public transportation or a date.

We get to have a boundary, and choose who gets in. And of course I don't mean being rude unnessisarily, however if someone causes you to need to be assertive to disengage so be it. 

[JustKeepTrying]

On Myers Briggs I scored highest (like the highest you can get) on intuition.  I then learned later in a college course that intuition is just a culmination of reading social cues/facial expressions/other info very quickly and making an unconscious decision.  In essence, you have all the info already and your gut is that choice - without conscious thought.  I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, my parents and OCPDexh practically beat the instinct/gut out of me.  I relied on their choices thinking and being trained that they are smarter and more experienced.  Had I listened to my gut, I wouldn't have married my ex.  I would have graduated with a degree in a field I would have loved - instead of what I got.  so many decisions that I regret not making because I didn't listen to my gut.

So now, Out of the FOG, I am relying on my gut.  But in order to do that, I need the space, solitude, quiet to hear it.  Meditation, journaling, and practicing the pause all help.  Practicing the pause for me has been great - taking that beat to really hear what my gut says.

Listen to your gut - your daughter may have said she teasing her dad but if it feels like something else is there, it is.

[1footouttadefog]

I have taught my kids that if they feel uncomfortable or afraid to disengage and remove themselves from the situation as quietly as possible.  And don't worry about looking silly of it turns out to be something benign.

Once about ten years ago there had been a shooting in a movie theater somewhere such that some had entered an exit door up front.   A few weeks later we were at a movie.  We were close to the front and a few feet from the screen just past the curtain there was an exit door.  We heard a banging on that door and I got the kids and started out. I then paused on the other side of a wall and looked over.  I could see more from that angle turned out someone had a ladder in front of a speaker behind the curtain and the subsonic bass sounds were Making it hit the door.   We slinked back to our seats.   I did not feel embarrassed because had I been right we would have been out if there in time.

There are so many pd folks chances are you will be right every time.