More "stuff"

[Liketheducks]

Spent the last week helping a friend with her ill/elderly parents.   They're both late 80's.   Dementia and Parkinsons Disease.   My BFF taps out of her turn at family care in a few days.   She's been there with them for 3 weeks.   More professional carers are lined up, but took some time to sort.   I went to be an extra set of hands and make meals to stock their freezer for the coming month.   
My mom found out.   The day I returned, she had a heart attack scare.  It could be real....or not.   It makes me sad that past experience with her prompts me to wonder about the later.   Tests are all normal.   It felt like she knew that I helped a friend's parents and needed to assert that I was there to help her too.   I stayed with her a bit and then made sure she was comfortable at home.   Then spent some time where she tried to "clear the air" over things that happened 6 years ago.   Gonna pat myself on the back that I said, "that was 6 years ago and we don't need to discuss it further now".   But, not going to lie....that was tough.   She misunderstands me....and thinks that I misunderstand her.   I saw the JADE in her conversation.   Feeling a little numb right now.        Someone always has to be the villain.   

[bloomie]

Well...Liketheducks you are most certainly not the villain in this. What an act of lovingkindness to support your friend as they care for two elderly parents. 

About your mother... all I can say, from our own experience, is that a 'health scare' is often on the heels of mil hearing about someone other than her getting 'attention' from our family or just before a special occasion for our family. So, proceed with caution on that front.

As for your response -

Then spent some time where she tried to "clear the air" over things that happened 6 years ago.  Gonna pat myself on the back that I said, "that was 6 years ago and we don't need to discuss it further now". 

Brilliant! I am offering virtual pats on the back, too!!! Well done!

And you are right, it takes a toll to go through all of this. I am really glad you shared and trust you are doing better today.

[Sneezy]

Liketheducks - Wow, that was so sweet of you to help your friend with her parents.  Parkinson's and dementia are rough, and I'm sure she appreciates your help.

As far as your mom, she is obviously jealous that someone else got attention from you.  How dare you pay attention to anyone other than her?

My mom is very similar - she can't stand having someone else stealing the limelight.  A couple weeks ago, mom had to go to urgent care due to a minor skin infection.  The next day, her sister (my aunt) collapsed and ended up in the hospital.  Mom was very upset that she had been one-upped by her sister.  She kept trying to get attention back on herself, going so far as claiming to have chickenpox.  She just couldn't stand the attention shifting onto someone other than her.

[Liketheducks]

I hear you.   It is uncanny how these narcissistic traits are so universal.   My mom claims to have done so much self-work and self-reflection and growth.   But, I just don't see it.   As much as the conversations drift into healing territory occasionally, it is still the same.   There is no growth.   There is no self-examination.   
I'm grateful to have a wonderful counselor who specializing in trauma work.   She keeps telling me that THIS is what happens when people can't or won't take themselves in hand.