My male friend continues to cross boundaries and gaslight - Need to block him

[ChiefBrody]

I have two NPD parents, one NPD brother. That should explain why i did not have strong enough boundaries with my male friend, as below - now i know i need to block him out of my life, but, as a victim of narcs, i feel the deep need and desire to be HEARD and VALIDATED because i grew up being gaslit, and told i was "too sensitive" and to "get over it" and "let go" etc. And my reality denied.....
My male "friend" never acknowledged his behavior...i should just BLOCK him everywhere, but i STILL feel the need to write to him and explain it all and call him out, but is it worth it? It never works with narcs (ie my parents). I don't know if he is a narc, but he may be. Either way, not sure if he will ever acknowledge all his behavior - here it is:



One of my closest male friends, who i have known for a few years now, has always shown romantic interest in me. I have been VERY clear i am not looking for a relationship and he is actually dating someone else, and has been emotionally cheating on her, with me, for the last few years. We have been away together, and he has lied to her saying he went alone. Every time i am with him, he tries to get me really drunk and make a move. He even bought me a bunch of SEX TOYS last year for xmas. WTF DUDE!!!!! Ewwwww. He sends me text messages all the time (and has for years) going on and on about "us". How much he longs for me and tries to wax poetical blah blah blah. He is wildly inappropriate. Any time i have called him out about it, he either ignores it (if via text) or when to his face he will say "oh i was drunk when i sent that"

NEVER an apology, now its all about a myriad of reasons why he doesnt want to be with me and how he is soooo happy with his girlfriend (trying to convince himself, i am sure) and i am like NO buddy, the reason we are not together is because I WAS NEVER AN OPTION FOR YOU you egotistical twat. (i did not actually say those words to him, but i should have)
Also, any time we have been out and i have talked to other guys, he goes into a jealous rage then gives me the silent treatment. I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! AND YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! Wtf dude. If i was his gf (in an alternate universe) i would have dropped his jealous ass right then and there.

Anyway its now too much (though it should have been years ago). I sent him a text a week ago saying if he ever wants to have a real and honest conversation with integrity, let me know. This back and forth without any honesty is stressful.

What did he reply? "i dont appreciate this deeply hurtful message. Nor the emotional ultimatum"

(i didnt open the message, just saw the preview, so who knows what else he wrote, and i dont think i will ever open it)

HOW the f*ck is that "deeply hurtful" and an "emotional ultimatum" ?!! I didnt even really give him a blasting that he deserves for his cheating and lies and inappropriate behavior all these years.

Is he a narc? What is wrong with him? He gaslights and projects and never acknowledges his bad behavior. He is disrespectful of me and his girlfriend, and has been for years.

Venting here in frustration - mainly that i didnt have stronger boundaries this whole time.

Any input / advice greatly appreciated - and yes, i know my boundaries are lax, again - i grew up with 2 NPD parents.  I just want to be heard and respected and validated, hence the feeling i need to write it all to him, but i know, it is probably pointless...but i am doing it for me, to feel better, but will i ? Or should i just block and TRY to move on?

[JollyJazz]

Hello,

I'm sorry for what you are going through.

It sounds like you want to get distance from this guy.

I have been in similar situations, and sometimes it's best just to gently distance, not replying to messages, avoiding him etc. in order to avoid a full scale blow up/ revenge.

With a reasonable person, you could talk through your concerns, come to a solution, but narcs aren't reasonable. Maybe just accept that you won't get the resolution you were hoping for.

There are on obviously some reasons that you wanted to be friends in the first place, maybe he reminded you of your family, maybe he was good to be around (sometimes), remind myself of all the bad things and do what you can to move on (if that's what you want). Best wishes!

[dawnrobin]

He will never just see you as a friend. For his sake and yours you need to stop his flirtation now.