8 years later... I'm free

[wasted_tropics]

I was directing a friend to the website who was dealing with some issues and then realized I went dark on here when things got bad. Well, they got a lot worse.

Long story short, I physically moved out to start the required on year separation period in my state. I endured a year of physical and digital harassment and stalking while my command did absolutely nothing, and then right as the period was ending and I could divorce her, my ex went to the command with false allegations of fraternization and drug abuse.

During the investigation three people spoke out about witnessed abuse and my command did nothing, only continued investigating me, and then charged me with things they found literally no evidence for and told me they were going to administratively separate me out of the Marines with an Other Than Honorable discharge. My ex walked off scot free.

For TWO YEARS I was in that state, being treated like a criminal. However at the end of August my admin sep board finally got scheduled and I met my JAG lawyer who turned out to be an absolute badass of an attorney. In the court room, he not only proved my innocence, but also proved command wrongdoing and negligence, proved they falsified the investigation, and got me not even an Honorable discharge, no, the board FOUND NO BASIS IN ALL CHARGES. So now, in  just a few days, I am out of the Marines with all of my benefits and actual legal documentation that everything that happened to me was wrong.

When that determination was read at 4:01PM on the 16th, I bawled.

I don't know if any of the people who followed my earlier stuff were still around, but I'm free. I haven't had to hear her her voice or deal with her since January of 2021. The fight to fully escape took longer than it should, but I did. There is an escape from this. There is an end. And I am at it, and I am happy.

[escapingman]

Congratulations! Well done! I am so happy for you!

[Poison Ivy]

I remember your story. I'm so glad you're free!

[hhaw]

WT:

Thanks for sharing your story on the board.  I don't think anyone can fathom this level of willful chaos and damage inflicted by PDs during divorce until they experience it.

Is there any point you feel you could have avoided and escaped this extended trauma?

What would you have done differently, if anything?

[notrightinthehead]

Congratulations!

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Congratulations - such determination and strength - awesome!!!

[wasted_tropics]

WT:

Thanks for sharing your story on the board.  I don't think anyone can fathom this level of willful chaos and damage inflicted by PDs during divorce until they experience it.

Is there any point you feel you could have avoided and escaped this extended trauma?

What would you have done differently, if anything?

Ah man, that's a tough one. Hindsight's 20/20 and there were hella red flags. I don't think as an 18 year old I could have been expected to spot them, but I do wish I had learned about boundaries and what it meant when someone kept aggressively crossing them a lot earlier in life.

A weird example I always come back to is my nose. I have some wide pores and when I was younger I would occasionally get blackheads. She would always want to pop them but I don't like people in my face in that manner, so I told her no. She respected it... Until she didn't, and that's when generally, everything slowly slid downhill in regards to respecting my lines.

Her and I experienced essentially two separations before the final one, two attempted divorces by me. I wouldn't have gone through everything if I had followed through with the first or the second one, but I got love-bombed and hoovered back in each time. And even in this last one, if I had come out the gate and reported her for abuse when I left, I don't think she could have turned this around on me. But I was scared.

A lot of pointless musings, but doing any of those differently probably would have saved me.

[StartingHealing]

wasted_tropics,

Way to keep fighting!  Congratulations!!!!!

[hhaw]

Your musings won't be pointless if they save someone else, wt.

Hopefully they will.

[vanillasea]

So glad you're free!! Encouraging for the future. The only way out really is through.

[Liftedfog]

I remember you!  I'm so glad to hear such a positive update. You deserve so much peace and happiness. God bless!

[square]

Yes, I remember your story, way to go and congratulations!

[SonofThunder]

Congratulations! Well done! I am so happy for you!

Thanks for sharing your story on the board.  I don't think anyone can fathom this level of willful chaos and damage inflicted by PDs during divorce until they experience it

[JustKeepTrying]

Congratulations!!!   

Your reflections will help guide and give another hope and courage.  Oorah!